Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Hazleton’s New Slogan: “It’s like this everywhere”
--Brought to you by the ‘Don’t Leave Hazleton Campaign’—
This will replace the old slogan of ‘It’s no better any place else’.
We at Hazleton Pravda will be keeping you update as to how to get involved with this organization including membership, dues, duties and its charter design of keep intelligent, mobile people from escaping the dry, dead clutches of THE GREATER HAZLETON AREA! *trumpets*
Thanx Kaph
Strip Club Coming to Wilkes-Barre!
Due to the township of Wilkes-Barre’s inaction a judge last Thursday allowed the strip club: Club 10 Plus to go through with possibilities for all-nude dancers! Now this is a forward thinking area. Hazleton could take a lot of notes here. The club will be in the growing area near the Wachovia Arena.
The Castle on the Hill Re-Opens
Overcrowding has forced the Hazleton Area School District to actually and properly utilize the Old Castle instead of letting it sit and rot any longer. Although it is probably a mess inside by now. It sat empty for how many years now? All the powers-that-be are probably upset that they couldn’t turn it into a sweat shop or flop house or something that Hazleton NEEDS!
Turkey Hill Robber Nabbed
Ya the poor guy went and robbed Ferdinand’s Family Restaurant first. How was he to know that there’s only cheap old geriatrics going there with no thing but water pills? So he was forced to rob the Turkey Hill down on the Beltway too! He even had to rob Biaggio’s on Broad Street. I hope he nabbed enough to get a Gatorade after all that running around he did. Probably not. Probably just a lot of Hazleton IOUs and those water pills!
UPDATE: Markle Building
Rendell is giving a big fake check to the downtown of Hazleton. Good thing fatty Mr. Meat & Potatoes wasn’t there! It seems even more money will again be flowing into the pockets and homes of the powers-that-be in Hazleton. They can squander it all as usual. And in ten years when the state and federal governments have changed hands a couple times and forgotten, Hazleton can beg for more money! The cycle continues.
Mayor Lou For Congress?
So Mayor Lou wants to play with the big fish, huh? Well, he’s a politician, which means he’s no good. And he’s a Hazleton politician, which means the Devil Plumber has a *special* assignment for him in Hell. I mean, just look at all the GOOD *laughing hysterically* that he or any previous mayor has done for THE GREATER HAZLETON AREA! Besides, he incriminates himself just by mentioning how he got to leave Hazleton, but came back. Only the destitute, unlucky and stupid come back here. Why didn’t he stay in the real world? If you can’t hack it there and come back here, then I want no part! Go be a Juice Man*.
By the way, hope everyone went out to vote yesterday. It DOES mean something!
*Juice Man is the term for one of the highest-ranking members of the Freeland Higherarchy, part of the Freeland Triumvirate. See also Dreg, Bum.
High Taxes Low Return. Sounds Like PA to Me!
Its nice to see PA ranks up there with states such as CA, NY, TX and FL, you know, states that are actually potentially sort of enjoyable to live in.
Thanks Keith Kong
You Know You’re From Hazleton If…
This page has the right idea, but Hazleton Pravda is going to have to work on an updated version
--Brought to you by the ‘Don’t Leave Hazleton Campaign’—
This will replace the old slogan of ‘It’s no better any place else’.
We at Hazleton Pravda will be keeping you update as to how to get involved with this organization including membership, dues, duties and its charter design of keep intelligent, mobile people from escaping the dry, dead clutches of THE GREATER HAZLETON AREA! *trumpets*
Thanx Kaph
Strip Club Coming to Wilkes-Barre!
Due to the township of Wilkes-Barre’s inaction a judge last Thursday allowed the strip club: Club 10 Plus to go through with possibilities for all-nude dancers! Now this is a forward thinking area. Hazleton could take a lot of notes here. The club will be in the growing area near the Wachovia Arena.
The Castle on the Hill Re-Opens
Overcrowding has forced the Hazleton Area School District to actually and properly utilize the Old Castle instead of letting it sit and rot any longer. Although it is probably a mess inside by now. It sat empty for how many years now? All the powers-that-be are probably upset that they couldn’t turn it into a sweat shop or flop house or something that Hazleton NEEDS!
Turkey Hill Robber Nabbed
Ya the poor guy went and robbed Ferdinand’s Family Restaurant first. How was he to know that there’s only cheap old geriatrics going there with no thing but water pills? So he was forced to rob the Turkey Hill down on the Beltway too! He even had to rob Biaggio’s on Broad Street. I hope he nabbed enough to get a Gatorade after all that running around he did. Probably not. Probably just a lot of Hazleton IOUs and those water pills!
UPDATE: Markle Building
Rendell is giving a big fake check to the downtown of Hazleton. Good thing fatty Mr. Meat & Potatoes wasn’t there! It seems even more money will again be flowing into the pockets and homes of the powers-that-be in Hazleton. They can squander it all as usual. And in ten years when the state and federal governments have changed hands a couple times and forgotten, Hazleton can beg for more money! The cycle continues.
Mayor Lou For Congress?
So Mayor Lou wants to play with the big fish, huh? Well, he’s a politician, which means he’s no good. And he’s a Hazleton politician, which means the Devil Plumber has a *special* assignment for him in Hell. I mean, just look at all the GOOD *laughing hysterically* that he or any previous mayor has done for THE GREATER HAZLETON AREA! Besides, he incriminates himself just by mentioning how he got to leave Hazleton, but came back. Only the destitute, unlucky and stupid come back here. Why didn’t he stay in the real world? If you can’t hack it there and come back here, then I want no part! Go be a Juice Man*.
By the way, hope everyone went out to vote yesterday. It DOES mean something!
*Juice Man is the term for one of the highest-ranking members of the Freeland Higherarchy, part of the Freeland Triumvirate. See also Dreg, Bum.
High Taxes Low Return. Sounds Like PA to Me!
Its nice to see PA ranks up there with states such as CA, NY, TX and FL, you know, states that are actually potentially sort of enjoyable to live in.
Thanks Keith Kong
You Know You’re From Hazleton If…
This page has the right idea, but Hazleton Pravda is going to have to work on an updated version
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