Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Due to the large amount of material the miserible denizens of Hazleton give to such a ranting poem about how miserible and back stabbing Hazletonians try to be, a further installment in the Hazleton Dick Saga was required. Enjoy. And think!
A Hazleton Dick Part II
By Gombeggar
You can’t bring yourself to rise from your bed
You can’t take the time to get yourself out from under the covers
You can’t come to the phone
Unless you know you’re getting a bone
Or some other kind of pat on the back
Because you need to get something before
You even bat an eye
What’s in it for you?
You Hazleton Dick –You make us all want to sigh!
Why don’t you just curl up and die?
You want it all
You want what you deserve
But you’re not ready to lift a finger
Or do an ounce of work
It could be called lazy—But that’s not the case
Call it being self-adsorbed
And high on dope all day
Smoke hazy dreams that skewer your brains
Makes you think that nothing matters
Because you feel no pain
All the walls can fall down
The streets can break up
Slate banks can pile
Let the rest turn to dust
You don’t care
Because you are a Hazleton Dick!
No time, but for the sake of yourself
Maybe your squeeze
But nothing much else
You talk and you talk
Still nothing gets done
On the street or on the couch
Don’t matter—So long as you have your fun
Don’t take time away from life of living haze
Don’t follow through with anything you say
Just relax
And float down stream
Like in the book of the dead from Tibet
As a Hazletonian
You’re practically in a coffin sized dream
All of these people wanting your precious time
To do things, to change things
You say, Don’t bother what’s mine
I like everything just the way I have it
No motion, no movement
Just me, my bed and my habits
Because I know one thing
In the back of my mind
Besides being lazy and crazy all the time
I’m useless and apathetic
That means I don’t really care
I spell my name with an X
It’s less wear and tear
You know why?
Because I’m a Hazleton Dick!
And I love it, I love it
I never will change
I’m slothie and sloopie
I love it all the way
No time for you, not today
I’ve got better things to do
Things for me and not for you
Oh whoa is me
I’ve got the couch potato blues
I’m self-serving, self-adoring
Self-involved with selfish ways
I look out for myself each and everyday
Self’s my favorite word
If it’s got something to do with you
Well, that’s absurd
It’s all about me!
Or haven’t you heard?
I’m A Hazleton Dick!
And I’ll never learn
So you see all you living dead corpses
Of the happy Hazleton be
Mindful, not to be assholes
As so many of you act as with glee
Remember there’s a world
Outside your own thoughts
Your whimsies, your plans and your games
Not everyone cares when a vowel ends your name
Or who’s sons and daughters you may be
And believe it or not
Not everyone cares if you have a lot of money
There’s a world outside these strip-mined hills
Where people are nice to each other
Where a knife in the back
For a dime bag of crack
Is actually frowned down upon
Where the streets don’t have holes
Or Flags for the woppish Diegos
But real food, and parks and human beings in some parts
And the sunshine isn’t filled with coal dust and grime
So go to Hell all you bastards and bitches alike
Who can’t rise just one day and be civil
Crawl into your early graves
With the dimes that you save
For not tipping the waitress a little
Or cling to your life
In this god forsaken blight
Of a town that’s well past it’s prime
Realize when your eighty, alone and in pain
You lead the perfect Hazleton life!
Because you wouldn’t change
Or see the light of day
You couldn’t smile
Or be generous to your fellow man
For just one single day
So now you’re in it deep
Get ready for that big long sleep
There’s no deals left to be made
You had you Funfest parades
Now you’re a geriatric Hazleton Dick!
Freaky Fair Update:
Just a reminder that tomorrow morning their judging dairy cattle and sheep at the Arena and the Sheep Barn respectively. And hey everyone, DON'T FORGET TO GET AN OYSTER SANDWICH WHILE YOU'RE AT THE BLOOMSBURG FAIR
*Horse* "No sir, I don't like it!"
A Hazleton Dick Part II
By Gombeggar
You can’t bring yourself to rise from your bed
You can’t take the time to get yourself out from under the covers
You can’t come to the phone
Unless you know you’re getting a bone
Or some other kind of pat on the back
Because you need to get something before
You even bat an eye
What’s in it for you?
You Hazleton Dick –You make us all want to sigh!
Why don’t you just curl up and die?
You want it all
You want what you deserve
But you’re not ready to lift a finger
Or do an ounce of work
It could be called lazy—But that’s not the case
Call it being self-adsorbed
And high on dope all day
Smoke hazy dreams that skewer your brains
Makes you think that nothing matters
Because you feel no pain
All the walls can fall down
The streets can break up
Slate banks can pile
Let the rest turn to dust
You don’t care
Because you are a Hazleton Dick!
No time, but for the sake of yourself
Maybe your squeeze
But nothing much else
You talk and you talk
Still nothing gets done
On the street or on the couch
Don’t matter—So long as you have your fun
Don’t take time away from life of living haze
Don’t follow through with anything you say
Just relax
And float down stream
Like in the book of the dead from Tibet
As a Hazletonian
You’re practically in a coffin sized dream
All of these people wanting your precious time
To do things, to change things
You say, Don’t bother what’s mine
I like everything just the way I have it
No motion, no movement
Just me, my bed and my habits
Because I know one thing
In the back of my mind
Besides being lazy and crazy all the time
I’m useless and apathetic
That means I don’t really care
I spell my name with an X
It’s less wear and tear
You know why?
Because I’m a Hazleton Dick!
And I love it, I love it
I never will change
I’m slothie and sloopie
I love it all the way
No time for you, not today
I’ve got better things to do
Things for me and not for you
Oh whoa is me
I’ve got the couch potato blues
I’m self-serving, self-adoring
Self-involved with selfish ways
I look out for myself each and everyday
Self’s my favorite word
If it’s got something to do with you
Well, that’s absurd
It’s all about me!
Or haven’t you heard?
I’m A Hazleton Dick!
And I’ll never learn
So you see all you living dead corpses
Of the happy Hazleton be
Mindful, not to be assholes
As so many of you act as with glee
Remember there’s a world
Outside your own thoughts
Your whimsies, your plans and your games
Not everyone cares when a vowel ends your name
Or who’s sons and daughters you may be
And believe it or not
Not everyone cares if you have a lot of money
There’s a world outside these strip-mined hills
Where people are nice to each other
Where a knife in the back
For a dime bag of crack
Is actually frowned down upon
Where the streets don’t have holes
Or Flags for the woppish Diegos
But real food, and parks and human beings in some parts
And the sunshine isn’t filled with coal dust and grime
So go to Hell all you bastards and bitches alike
Who can’t rise just one day and be civil
Crawl into your early graves
With the dimes that you save
For not tipping the waitress a little
Or cling to your life
In this god forsaken blight
Of a town that’s well past it’s prime
Realize when your eighty, alone and in pain
You lead the perfect Hazleton life!
Because you wouldn’t change
Or see the light of day
You couldn’t smile
Or be generous to your fellow man
For just one single day
So now you’re in it deep
Get ready for that big long sleep
There’s no deals left to be made
You had you Funfest parades
Now you’re a geriatric Hazleton Dick!
Freaky Fair Update:
Just a reminder that tomorrow morning their judging dairy cattle and sheep at the Arena and the Sheep Barn respectively. And hey everyone, DON'T FORGET TO GET AN OYSTER SANDWICH WHILE YOU'RE AT THE BLOOMSBURG FAIR
*Horse* "No sir, I don't like it!"
Comments:
Gombeggar's 'Hazleton Dick Saga' epic poetry are the middle 2 of a 9 part, 3 part, 6 part, I mean 9 part story. Don't tell George.
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