Sunday, September 26, 2004
Fair Times Brings the Freaks to the Mud
Yes, folks, it’s the end of September and that means the Bloomsburg Fair (a.k.a. Big Funfest) is going to make everyone nuttier then usual for a week. It’s started to, it’s the end of September and that means the Bloomsburg Fair (a.k.a. Big Funfest) is going to make everyone nuttier then usual for a week. It’s started today and I’m sure hundreds of thousands of people will be flocking there from all around the area. The fair’s been going on for like one billion years (they claim only 150 years but I don’t believe them) and it really hasn’t changed in all the years that Bloomsburg has hosted the thing.
The same stands are there every year in the same place selling the same stuff, but evidently the masses enjoy it enough to make Bloomsburg onions of dollars every single year whether you have to track through two foot of water or stable full of cow flops and horse droppings. I’ll just never understand people.
But on the bright side there is a poultry show at the fair grounds the weekend after. Don’t tell Jimmy Christman! Burp! Otherwise everyone enjoy your homespun, hick-town, Carnie freak show. It won’t come around for another year! How many funnel cakes can you eat? Personally, I hate all that fucking supposed ethnic food. And another thing the fair is sorely lacking is the midgets! What kind of Carnie sets up a Ferris wheel, gets the cotton candy spinning, but forgets the little folk in weird little costumes? And I have yet to see a fire-eater there. The bearded ladies are abundant, but those are the women just visiting the Fair!
Burning Man needs to be held at the Bloomsburg Fair. We can create a gigantic effigy of a farmer-hick-booner right in the middle of the fairgrounds and just hope that when we light ‘em up that the whole damn place goes up with it. Fire cleanses all and in the aftermath we could build a huge park akin to Central Park in New York and let Hoe-Down City become an awful memory. Have fun at the Fair everybody!
Money to Repair Roads Uncertain
See! What did we tell you? Gotta file those request ASAP to get yer flood money! And everyone’s gonna drag their bureaucratic feet and then cry that it’s taking forever to get the money they’re gonna waste on their own paychecks anyway!
Floodwater Sickening (Literally)
That’s funny. I though NEPA of Pennsyltucky had the best soil and the best water, especially the water. Look not only is it chlorinated and fluorinated, but it’s been detergentated, and sulphurated and just full to the brim by being feces-inated! What more can you ask? The only guess I can make as to why the floodwater is sickening is because it must not have ENOUGH pollutants in it. 8000 organisms per 3 ounces of water in the Wilkes-Barre area, ha! That’s nothing! Come visit the Black Creek. The organisms there are a foot and a half long coming from the shit crick and the inbreeds down that way adopt them as pets!
Now to be serious: The water table in the entire NEPA region is destroyed by everything from mine run-off and sewage to industrial waste and lack of environmental concerns. There may be nothing much anyone can do, but try to think twice about where your water comes form and where it goes. Think Brita filters and PUR water filtration systems in your own homes for a start, because all the chlorine and the fluorine in the world won’t clean some of the water that comes out of the sink in certain areas. And think about speaking to local government officials about making a change, about stopping industrial waste contamination, and fixing the ecological nightmares of mine run-off water. The government spends oodles of noodles of onions of dollars on far more wasteful projects. There’s gotta be some environmental grants out there waiting to be used. Wake up people. Water is life. Let it go to hell and we’re stuck. I’m sure a home distillation unit would be a real pain in the balls!
Yes, folks, it’s the end of September and that means the Bloomsburg Fair (a.k.a. Big Funfest) is going to make everyone nuttier then usual for a week. It’s started to, it’s the end of September and that means the Bloomsburg Fair (a.k.a. Big Funfest) is going to make everyone nuttier then usual for a week. It’s started today and I’m sure hundreds of thousands of people will be flocking there from all around the area. The fair’s been going on for like one billion years (they claim only 150 years but I don’t believe them) and it really hasn’t changed in all the years that Bloomsburg has hosted the thing.
The same stands are there every year in the same place selling the same stuff, but evidently the masses enjoy it enough to make Bloomsburg onions of dollars every single year whether you have to track through two foot of water or stable full of cow flops and horse droppings. I’ll just never understand people.
But on the bright side there is a poultry show at the fair grounds the weekend after. Don’t tell Jimmy Christman! Burp! Otherwise everyone enjoy your homespun, hick-town, Carnie freak show. It won’t come around for another year! How many funnel cakes can you eat? Personally, I hate all that fucking supposed ethnic food. And another thing the fair is sorely lacking is the midgets! What kind of Carnie sets up a Ferris wheel, gets the cotton candy spinning, but forgets the little folk in weird little costumes? And I have yet to see a fire-eater there. The bearded ladies are abundant, but those are the women just visiting the Fair!
Burning Man needs to be held at the Bloomsburg Fair. We can create a gigantic effigy of a farmer-hick-booner right in the middle of the fairgrounds and just hope that when we light ‘em up that the whole damn place goes up with it. Fire cleanses all and in the aftermath we could build a huge park akin to Central Park in New York and let Hoe-Down City become an awful memory. Have fun at the Fair everybody!
Money to Repair Roads Uncertain
See! What did we tell you? Gotta file those request ASAP to get yer flood money! And everyone’s gonna drag their bureaucratic feet and then cry that it’s taking forever to get the money they’re gonna waste on their own paychecks anyway!
Floodwater Sickening (Literally)
That’s funny. I though NEPA of Pennsyltucky had the best soil and the best water, especially the water. Look not only is it chlorinated and fluorinated, but it’s been detergentated, and sulphurated and just full to the brim by being feces-inated! What more can you ask? The only guess I can make as to why the floodwater is sickening is because it must not have ENOUGH pollutants in it. 8000 organisms per 3 ounces of water in the Wilkes-Barre area, ha! That’s nothing! Come visit the Black Creek. The organisms there are a foot and a half long coming from the shit crick and the inbreeds down that way adopt them as pets!
Now to be serious: The water table in the entire NEPA region is destroyed by everything from mine run-off and sewage to industrial waste and lack of environmental concerns. There may be nothing much anyone can do, but try to think twice about where your water comes form and where it goes. Think Brita filters and PUR water filtration systems in your own homes for a start, because all the chlorine and the fluorine in the world won’t clean some of the water that comes out of the sink in certain areas. And think about speaking to local government officials about making a change, about stopping industrial waste contamination, and fixing the ecological nightmares of mine run-off water. The government spends oodles of noodles of onions of dollars on far more wasteful projects. There’s gotta be some environmental grants out there waiting to be used. Wake up people. Water is life. Let it go to hell and we’re stuck. I’m sure a home distillation unit would be a real pain in the balls!
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