Sunday, September 05, 2004
Happy Day-Off From Labor!
Hazleton Pravda would like to wish everyone a pleasant Labor Day Holiday Weekend. Please relish your time off this Labor Day enjoying a small break from the monotony of the everyday work grind especially those who suffer the indignity of factory slavery at the hands of CANT DO. Also remember that summer is waning and all but gone (completely gone depending on who you talk to about seasons in NEPA) so enjoy the weather, have a cook-out, relax with a drink and a good book and let your blood pressure come down to something of a normal level. And remember to watch for police checkpoints. No sense in having your fun ruined with a DUI or some other nonsense.
Barletta to the UN
This must be the next step in the “Don’t Leave Hazleton” Campaign. Mayor Lou is gonna go before the United Nations to have sanctions placed on people trying to leave the *trumpets please* Greater Hazleton Area or trying to leverage themselves out of this gigantic strip mine in any fashion! He’ll probably be requesting that UN troops garrison the city of Hazleton to enforce CANT DO slavery (read factory) law. Besides which, a representative of CANT DO will probably wish to come along to address the UN on CANT DO’s plans to replace the NEPA slogan of “Enjoy! Enjoy!” with the more practical “Arbeit Macht Frei” or “Works Makes You Free”. Manny Gordon will of course still be enlisted (brought out of retirement) to be the spokesperson of this new slogan until he crocks then they’ll get his clone Grandpa Munster! All in all this should be great for everyone that stuffs their pockets in the Hazleton area with the blood money of the masses who toil for their lively-hoods. Oh, and surely they’ll be pressing Kofi to find these bastards at Hazleton Pravda too, the ones who are telling all them unspoken truths!
New Cops in Hazleton
In a discussion with councilman Doyna Yar about the announcement of still more unnecessary cops in Hazleton, he made this extremely valid point: That these police officers are not additions to the police force, but rather replacements for those that were forced to ‘retire’ due to misconduct issues swept under the rug and never announced to the public. This is only supposition on the council’s part, but we at Hazleton Pravda fully agree with the very real possibility that the reason for more police is just that, to fill the ranks after any number of infractions made by those who are suppose ‘to serve and protect’ lessen their numbers!
--Incidentally, ‘to serve and protect’ only appears on the Blues Brother’s cop car now! And that has more credence.
HASD Fails to Meet Federal Test Standards
Superintendent says goals are unrealistic
That’s right! How can Hazleton schools churn out production slaves if they have to teach them anything or encourage just one person to think? That doesn’t help feed the meat grinder of CANT DO! If the Federal Government expects goals of education to be met that will just sabotage, no destroy the very fabric of the power scheme that is Hazleton where the have-not masses are kept ignorant of how much better life outside Hazleton is! Pick your heads out of the muck people. Read a book, learn a trade. Knowledge is power. *Gombeggar* "Can I get off this soapbox now?"
Kerry Wows Scranton
That doesn’t sound too hard. What the hell? NEPA considers Manny Gordon “Enjoy! Enjoy!” to be a celebrity. Have to get as many jabs in about that one as we can before ol’ Manny turns to dust. This area would be thrilled if Bob Barker showed up running for president. Hazleton Pravda would much rather Barker's Beauties, but se la vie. Back to Kerry, it’s gotta say something about how boring it is around here when a Democratic candidate with a big nose draws purportedly 17,000 people. What’s wrong? Wasn’t there an Andy Griffith marathon on the tv?
DEP to Mull Eagle Rock Subdivision
If Eagle Rock gets the proper permit (or is that ‘pad’s the right pocket’?) then more nature will be destroyed in favor of cheap housing designed to look smart and last only a couple years so that richies can move in and pretend they’re in the Poconos or some stupid status thing like that. There is still a lot of beautiful land here mostly cuz no one found any coal under it yet. Let's try and preserve some of our trees and mountains, and our wildlife and water channels that are left!
Fire Hits Haddock Home
If only it would have burned the whole town-thing-street down too. The best plan is to drop a nuclear bomb on the whole area and give it to the cockroaches, provided they even want this dump! Fire cleanses. After a half life just think of the possibilitdd
Tamaqua Resident Charged for Hitting City Man With Van
Maybe Councilman Doyna Yar is right. I DO need to get a van! Maybe if more idiots run other idiots over in this town that will half-life the idiot factor. Everybody ready? Start your engines!
Local Jobs Coming…and Going
Well, somebody’s free rent and tax breaks are up, so CANT DO found another ghoulish company to come in and chew the bones of this dead community for another five year deal.
Rats Spotted at City Bus Stop
Poor rats must’ve got shipped here to Hazleton, ya know? They migrated from New Jersey and New York and now they’re stuck here. No wait, that’s the people from NJ and NYC that did that. The rats were probably just following all that good tri-state garbage that Pennsyltucky so happily excepts. Poor rats anyway though. They’re probably starving still, since all the junk pickers thrive on garbage here, so there’s still nothing for the rats to eat! We should set up a ‘bus-ride for rats’, so that poor hungry rats can get a bus charter to the cornfields of Ohio or something! Poor fellas!
Training Trips Jail Job Seekers
That’s a real tongue twister! The Luzerne County prison wants more guards to eliminate the overtime issue, but it seems the candidates are either too stupid, insane or Mahalik-like (those that use their position for sex or other ‘favors’) to pass background checks. Either that or the prison has exceeded its hiring quota of the stupid, insane, or Mahalik-like persons and don’t know what to do with the normal people that are applying for the position of guard.
Officials: Where’s the Audit?
Hazleton officials are wondering why the audit for the city of Hazleton hasn’t been released yet. Well, that’s simple! All the kick-back money hasn’t circulated around completely yet! Be patient you silly little elected officials you. It takes time to count all those bills “…tens, twenties, thirties…Thirties? There ain’t no thirty dollar bills with Lou Barletta’s face on ‘em! What kind of a fool do you take me for, boy?!?”
--Thanks Mojo Nixon
Six-Pack Drinker-Driver Gains Partial Court Win
Hazleton Pravda has been watching this case as closely as possible. Now the story of Keith Emerich has gone another step into insanity and personal infringement by the powers-that-be! This poor man discloses to his doctor that he drinks. And the bastard doctor reports him to authorities who have his license revoked! Utter nonsense from the start! Now, Emerich has gone before a judge who has ruled that it’s legal for the state to revoke the license of a man who told his doctor he drinks a six-pack of beer a day! But the judge in an effort (that seems very convoluted and weak) to be ‘fair’ is allowing Emerich to have an ignition-interlock put on his car. How nice! The man does nothing wrong and in his words “I’m being treated like a criminal. The only crime I committed was getting sick and telling the doctor the truth.” The ignition device is for repeat DUI offenders. Emerich is NOT a DUI offender (not even first offense)! And again the judge is holding it against this man for admitting (NOTE: Telling the truth under oath in a court of LAW!) that he went to bars and drank. Gee, nobody does that! This is such a farce and travesty of personal freedom that it is obscene! Emerich also noted that he might not appeal do to lack of funds for the judiciary process. Hazleton Pravda firmly believes in all seriousness that a fundraiser should be held to help Emerich with court fees so that he might take this issue of infringement of personal freedoms as far in the court system as it needs to go before someone says “Hey, your right. This is loony crap. And it is the doctors involved in the narking and the state agency behind all this that should be facing trial!” Support Keith Emerich. He is losing his personal freedoms and YOU could be next!
Hazleton Pravda welcomes any suggestions on how to help Mr. Emerich. Please write us with ideas.
Hazleton Pravda would like to wish everyone a pleasant Labor Day Holiday Weekend. Please relish your time off this Labor Day enjoying a small break from the monotony of the everyday work grind especially those who suffer the indignity of factory slavery at the hands of CANT DO. Also remember that summer is waning and all but gone (completely gone depending on who you talk to about seasons in NEPA) so enjoy the weather, have a cook-out, relax with a drink and a good book and let your blood pressure come down to something of a normal level. And remember to watch for police checkpoints. No sense in having your fun ruined with a DUI or some other nonsense.
Barletta to the UN
This must be the next step in the “Don’t Leave Hazleton” Campaign. Mayor Lou is gonna go before the United Nations to have sanctions placed on people trying to leave the *trumpets please* Greater Hazleton Area or trying to leverage themselves out of this gigantic strip mine in any fashion! He’ll probably be requesting that UN troops garrison the city of Hazleton to enforce CANT DO slavery (read factory) law. Besides which, a representative of CANT DO will probably wish to come along to address the UN on CANT DO’s plans to replace the NEPA slogan of “Enjoy! Enjoy!” with the more practical “Arbeit Macht Frei” or “Works Makes You Free”. Manny Gordon will of course still be enlisted (brought out of retirement) to be the spokesperson of this new slogan until he crocks then they’ll get his clone Grandpa Munster! All in all this should be great for everyone that stuffs their pockets in the Hazleton area with the blood money of the masses who toil for their lively-hoods. Oh, and surely they’ll be pressing Kofi to find these bastards at Hazleton Pravda too, the ones who are telling all them unspoken truths!
New Cops in Hazleton
In a discussion with councilman Doyna Yar about the announcement of still more unnecessary cops in Hazleton, he made this extremely valid point: That these police officers are not additions to the police force, but rather replacements for those that were forced to ‘retire’ due to misconduct issues swept under the rug and never announced to the public. This is only supposition on the council’s part, but we at Hazleton Pravda fully agree with the very real possibility that the reason for more police is just that, to fill the ranks after any number of infractions made by those who are suppose ‘to serve and protect’ lessen their numbers!
--Incidentally, ‘to serve and protect’ only appears on the Blues Brother’s cop car now! And that has more credence.
HASD Fails to Meet Federal Test Standards
Superintendent says goals are unrealistic
That’s right! How can Hazleton schools churn out production slaves if they have to teach them anything or encourage just one person to think? That doesn’t help feed the meat grinder of CANT DO! If the Federal Government expects goals of education to be met that will just sabotage, no destroy the very fabric of the power scheme that is Hazleton where the have-not masses are kept ignorant of how much better life outside Hazleton is! Pick your heads out of the muck people. Read a book, learn a trade. Knowledge is power. *Gombeggar* "Can I get off this soapbox now?"
Kerry Wows Scranton
That doesn’t sound too hard. What the hell? NEPA considers Manny Gordon “Enjoy! Enjoy!” to be a celebrity. Have to get as many jabs in about that one as we can before ol’ Manny turns to dust. This area would be thrilled if Bob Barker showed up running for president. Hazleton Pravda would much rather Barker's Beauties, but se la vie. Back to Kerry, it’s gotta say something about how boring it is around here when a Democratic candidate with a big nose draws purportedly 17,000 people. What’s wrong? Wasn’t there an Andy Griffith marathon on the tv?
DEP to Mull Eagle Rock Subdivision
If Eagle Rock gets the proper permit (or is that ‘pad’s the right pocket’?) then more nature will be destroyed in favor of cheap housing designed to look smart and last only a couple years so that richies can move in and pretend they’re in the Poconos or some stupid status thing like that. There is still a lot of beautiful land here mostly cuz no one found any coal under it yet. Let's try and preserve some of our trees and mountains, and our wildlife and water channels that are left!
Fire Hits Haddock Home
If only it would have burned the whole town-thing-street down too. The best plan is to drop a nuclear bomb on the whole area and give it to the cockroaches, provided they even want this dump! Fire cleanses. After a half life just think of the possibilitdd
Tamaqua Resident Charged for Hitting City Man With Van
Maybe Councilman Doyna Yar is right. I DO need to get a van! Maybe if more idiots run other idiots over in this town that will half-life the idiot factor. Everybody ready? Start your engines!
Local Jobs Coming…and Going
Well, somebody’s free rent and tax breaks are up, so CANT DO found another ghoulish company to come in and chew the bones of this dead community for another five year deal.
Rats Spotted at City Bus Stop
Poor rats must’ve got shipped here to Hazleton, ya know? They migrated from New Jersey and New York and now they’re stuck here. No wait, that’s the people from NJ and NYC that did that. The rats were probably just following all that good tri-state garbage that Pennsyltucky so happily excepts. Poor rats anyway though. They’re probably starving still, since all the junk pickers thrive on garbage here, so there’s still nothing for the rats to eat! We should set up a ‘bus-ride for rats’, so that poor hungry rats can get a bus charter to the cornfields of Ohio or something! Poor fellas!
Training Trips Jail Job Seekers
That’s a real tongue twister! The Luzerne County prison wants more guards to eliminate the overtime issue, but it seems the candidates are either too stupid, insane or Mahalik-like (those that use their position for sex or other ‘favors’) to pass background checks. Either that or the prison has exceeded its hiring quota of the stupid, insane, or Mahalik-like persons and don’t know what to do with the normal people that are applying for the position of guard.
Officials: Where’s the Audit?
Hazleton officials are wondering why the audit for the city of Hazleton hasn’t been released yet. Well, that’s simple! All the kick-back money hasn’t circulated around completely yet! Be patient you silly little elected officials you. It takes time to count all those bills “…tens, twenties, thirties…Thirties? There ain’t no thirty dollar bills with Lou Barletta’s face on ‘em! What kind of a fool do you take me for, boy?!?”
--Thanks Mojo Nixon
Six-Pack Drinker-Driver Gains Partial Court Win
Hazleton Pravda has been watching this case as closely as possible. Now the story of Keith Emerich has gone another step into insanity and personal infringement by the powers-that-be! This poor man discloses to his doctor that he drinks. And the bastard doctor reports him to authorities who have his license revoked! Utter nonsense from the start! Now, Emerich has gone before a judge who has ruled that it’s legal for the state to revoke the license of a man who told his doctor he drinks a six-pack of beer a day! But the judge in an effort (that seems very convoluted and weak) to be ‘fair’ is allowing Emerich to have an ignition-interlock put on his car. How nice! The man does nothing wrong and in his words “I’m being treated like a criminal. The only crime I committed was getting sick and telling the doctor the truth.” The ignition device is for repeat DUI offenders. Emerich is NOT a DUI offender (not even first offense)! And again the judge is holding it against this man for admitting (NOTE: Telling the truth under oath in a court of LAW!) that he went to bars and drank. Gee, nobody does that! This is such a farce and travesty of personal freedom that it is obscene! Emerich also noted that he might not appeal do to lack of funds for the judiciary process. Hazleton Pravda firmly believes in all seriousness that a fundraiser should be held to help Emerich with court fees so that he might take this issue of infringement of personal freedoms as far in the court system as it needs to go before someone says “Hey, your right. This is loony crap. And it is the doctors involved in the narking and the state agency behind all this that should be facing trial!” Support Keith Emerich. He is losing his personal freedoms and YOU could be next!
Hazleton Pravda welcomes any suggestions on how to help Mr. Emerich. Please write us with ideas.
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