Sunday, December 05, 2004
Begging for Fuel Oil Update:
CEO or Commission on Economic Opportunity is still handing out free fuel. This is one of the VERY few things in Hazleton worth looking into. All signs point to us having a very bad winter, so if you can qualify for fuel help, then do it! Call 570-455-4994. Do it today!
New Time-Share Scam at Split Rock
Yes sir, there’s a new scam out there to rope people into bad bad naughty time-shares at the dump resort of Split Rock. Now, you can get any number of prizes for showing up and being pestered into giving away your hard-earned money. According to their latest mail out card, the stuff they’re giving away equals over $1000! Well, maybe if one person got all the $1 dollar gifts at once, then maybe it would equal out to a grand!
People don’t waste yer time. Time-shares at Split Rock or any other Vacation Charters owned places has got to be worth like negative money (even by Hazleton standards!). Did ya ever get a look inside a Split Rock villa or hotel room? They’re just dumps. And the people presenting you with their GOOD DEAL are angry chain-smoking people who are themselves caught up in the scheme and forced to bother people like you and me so that they can get back at LEAST what they themselves put into the whole blundering affair. Stay away from Split Rock and Vacation Charters!
WVIA Begs, I Mean Rides Again!
Well, the holiday season is here and those poor people at WVIA have once again took stock of their worn out building insulation made up of twenty, fifty and one-hundred dollar bills. It’s getting cold at WVIA so due to the fact that they have to burn extra greenbacks (that’s what happens to the ones and fives) in the building furnace they need more of YOUR money, because it’s important to support WVIA programming. And the fire’s getting low. George Washington goes up like a pile of leaves! Remember, your support puts on that one show a month at 3AM that actually has some value or merit, but it also helps to allow them to waste broadcasting time with antique junk shows and auctions that go on for days at a time. Good quality Pennsyltucky programming!
Possible Torture Chamber Found in Iraq
CANT DO Spies Opportunity! Newer better ways are coming to light for the human resource departments at all CANT DO facilities for the hiring and detaining of prisoners….I mean ASSOCIATES. Go to CANT DO and get gulaged! Is ‘gulaged’ even a word?
Mayor Proposes New Cop Tax
Yep, this will help make Hazleton an even more oppressed place to leave…I mean live. Hazleton needs more cops like CANT DO needs more money. When are the powers that be gonna realize that crime wouldn’t be going up if people didn’t have to slave in factories or be out of work depressed and starving. If there was work, people would be working. Since there is nothing and that nothing is even getting smaller, then people are FORCED to do what they must to survive. Stupid Hazleton!
Local Developers Respond to Forbes Article
‘Statistics do not tell the whole story of doing business in northeastern Pennsylvania’ say CANT DO officials. Ha-ha! Another true story leaked out to the real press (NOT the Standard Speaker) and CANT DO got pissed! Fuck them. Statistics don’t tell the whole story? That’s because unlike the Nazis who ran the death camps of Germany, CANT DO officials don’t keep good documentation of the horrors they inflict on Hazleton’s slave labor quotient. The Forbes story listed Pennsylvania 45th out of 50 states for doing business and CANT DO has to INSTRUCT the Standard Speaker to write an article saying, ‘…oh, it’s not so bad in Hazleton. Here look at all these numbers and stats that WE found saying how bright and sunny the slate banks make it!’
‘I really love it when the truth gets out there about Hazleton!’ –Editor Gombeggar.
'I love it when a plan comes together!' Hannibal from the A-Team!
Penn State Campus Injects $60M/Year into Local Economy
Huh? Do college students working at Applebees or Damon’s really make that much? Oh, wait. I get it. That’s how much Penn State fleeces students and pays kickbacks to the powers that be in Hazleton.
Red-faced Media Correct Rogers Story
The Standard Speaker…boy sure is a lot of dumb stuff to say about those boneheads today…are all proud of themselves because FOR ONCE they didn’t make the mistake, the AP did…or so the Speaker says. I still think there was a riot over the Kenny Rogers book signing, only because that guy from MaddTv, Will Sasso wasn’t there to do his drunken insane impersonation of Kenny. A lot of people in Hazleton might NOT know that on MaddTv, Sasso is doing an impersonation. That could have a lot of people confused around here. ‘Why ain’t he drinkin? Er throwin a bat at peoplez?’
So pat yerself on the back Speaker that’s one up for you after like a million convoluted and outrageously incorrect news reporting (said laughingly).
Panorama Drops FUN Daytrips with Neil Rodino?
Where are all the exciting stories about driving over Stockton Mountain with Neil Rodino? Or how about a day in Treskow with Neil Rodino? Followed by 'This is what Neil Rodino spat on us during dinner at the Ovalon'. All those good meat & potato stories are being lost in the latest Panorama issue replaced by dead people and the Christmases that Alzheimer’s took away! The staff of Hazleton Pravda feels very cheated! There wasn’t even a ‘Neil Rodino Is Taller Than Sam Lasante By ¼ of an Inch’ story! Again note there is (thankfully) no Panorama website, yet. But if there aver is Hazleton Pravda will let our loyal readers (and everyone else) know just how great it ain’t!
Fire in the Sky
Another building goes up in smoke in Hazleton? Sounds like Deigo-Lightning. After all the insurance money is collected and the kickbacks are sent out for Christmas, I wonder what they’ll put there...another police kiosk? Or a flop house like the one near the library? I think we just got our next poll question!
CEO or Commission on Economic Opportunity is still handing out free fuel. This is one of the VERY few things in Hazleton worth looking into. All signs point to us having a very bad winter, so if you can qualify for fuel help, then do it! Call 570-455-4994. Do it today!
New Time-Share Scam at Split Rock
Yes sir, there’s a new scam out there to rope people into bad bad naughty time-shares at the dump resort of Split Rock. Now, you can get any number of prizes for showing up and being pestered into giving away your hard-earned money. According to their latest mail out card, the stuff they’re giving away equals over $1000! Well, maybe if one person got all the $1 dollar gifts at once, then maybe it would equal out to a grand!
People don’t waste yer time. Time-shares at Split Rock or any other Vacation Charters owned places has got to be worth like negative money (even by Hazleton standards!). Did ya ever get a look inside a Split Rock villa or hotel room? They’re just dumps. And the people presenting you with their GOOD DEAL are angry chain-smoking people who are themselves caught up in the scheme and forced to bother people like you and me so that they can get back at LEAST what they themselves put into the whole blundering affair. Stay away from Split Rock and Vacation Charters!
WVIA Begs, I Mean Rides Again!
Well, the holiday season is here and those poor people at WVIA have once again took stock of their worn out building insulation made up of twenty, fifty and one-hundred dollar bills. It’s getting cold at WVIA so due to the fact that they have to burn extra greenbacks (that’s what happens to the ones and fives) in the building furnace they need more of YOUR money, because it’s important to support WVIA programming. And the fire’s getting low. George Washington goes up like a pile of leaves! Remember, your support puts on that one show a month at 3AM that actually has some value or merit, but it also helps to allow them to waste broadcasting time with antique junk shows and auctions that go on for days at a time. Good quality Pennsyltucky programming!
Possible Torture Chamber Found in Iraq
CANT DO Spies Opportunity! Newer better ways are coming to light for the human resource departments at all CANT DO facilities for the hiring and detaining of prisoners….I mean ASSOCIATES. Go to CANT DO and get gulaged! Is ‘gulaged’ even a word?
Mayor Proposes New Cop Tax
Yep, this will help make Hazleton an even more oppressed place to leave…I mean live. Hazleton needs more cops like CANT DO needs more money. When are the powers that be gonna realize that crime wouldn’t be going up if people didn’t have to slave in factories or be out of work depressed and starving. If there was work, people would be working. Since there is nothing and that nothing is even getting smaller, then people are FORCED to do what they must to survive. Stupid Hazleton!
Local Developers Respond to Forbes Article
‘Statistics do not tell the whole story of doing business in northeastern Pennsylvania’ say CANT DO officials. Ha-ha! Another true story leaked out to the real press (NOT the Standard Speaker) and CANT DO got pissed! Fuck them. Statistics don’t tell the whole story? That’s because unlike the Nazis who ran the death camps of Germany, CANT DO officials don’t keep good documentation of the horrors they inflict on Hazleton’s slave labor quotient. The Forbes story listed Pennsylvania 45th out of 50 states for doing business and CANT DO has to INSTRUCT the Standard Speaker to write an article saying, ‘…oh, it’s not so bad in Hazleton. Here look at all these numbers and stats that WE found saying how bright and sunny the slate banks make it!’
‘I really love it when the truth gets out there about Hazleton!’ –Editor Gombeggar.
'I love it when a plan comes together!' Hannibal from the A-Team!
Penn State Campus Injects $60M/Year into Local Economy
Huh? Do college students working at Applebees or Damon’s really make that much? Oh, wait. I get it. That’s how much Penn State fleeces students and pays kickbacks to the powers that be in Hazleton.
Red-faced Media Correct Rogers Story
The Standard Speaker…boy sure is a lot of dumb stuff to say about those boneheads today…are all proud of themselves because FOR ONCE they didn’t make the mistake, the AP did…or so the Speaker says. I still think there was a riot over the Kenny Rogers book signing, only because that guy from MaddTv, Will Sasso wasn’t there to do his drunken insane impersonation of Kenny. A lot of people in Hazleton might NOT know that on MaddTv, Sasso is doing an impersonation. That could have a lot of people confused around here. ‘Why ain’t he drinkin? Er throwin a bat at peoplez?’
So pat yerself on the back Speaker that’s one up for you after like a million convoluted and outrageously incorrect news reporting (said laughingly).
Panorama Drops FUN Daytrips with Neil Rodino?
Where are all the exciting stories about driving over Stockton Mountain with Neil Rodino? Or how about a day in Treskow with Neil Rodino? Followed by 'This is what Neil Rodino spat on us during dinner at the Ovalon'. All those good meat & potato stories are being lost in the latest Panorama issue replaced by dead people and the Christmases that Alzheimer’s took away! The staff of Hazleton Pravda feels very cheated! There wasn’t even a ‘Neil Rodino Is Taller Than Sam Lasante By ¼ of an Inch’ story! Again note there is (thankfully) no Panorama website, yet. But if there aver is Hazleton Pravda will let our loyal readers (and everyone else) know just how great it ain’t!
Fire in the Sky
Another building goes up in smoke in Hazleton? Sounds like Deigo-Lightning. After all the insurance money is collected and the kickbacks are sent out for Christmas, I wonder what they’ll put there...another police kiosk? Or a flop house like the one near the library? I think we just got our next poll question!
Comments:
So, like Mayor Lou's new 'occupation tax' for the pigs is like everyone in Hazleton paying $50+ for the police occupation of Hazleton? Isn't that like charging the Palestinians for the Israeli wall that makes all of Free Palestine a big ghetto like Hazleton, but with guns to fire back at the oppressors?
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