Saturday, May 27, 2006
Wikipedia on Hazleton Lifestyle
“Hazleton is a 4th World city.”
—Doyna Yar, Contributing Writer & Web Surfer Extraordinaire
Chief: Drugs 85 to 95 Percent of Crime
—“Ferdinand, Hazleton’s Top Drug Abuse Counselor Address Red Carpet Breakfast”—The Standard Speaker
This is just more of the same. The real PROBLEM and it’s a two-fold one is that people suffering in the *trumpets please* Greater Hazleton Area need to self-medicate because factory life is no life at all and that the powers that be are the ones allowing drugs into the area in order to placate their herds of slaves that work in the factories that keep this place a dump. Very cyclic. Did I say cyclic? I meant sick. “Hazleton’s drug problem is a significant part of its overall crime picture, but measures are being taken to contain it, the city’s top law enforcement says,” according to the Standard Speaker.
Let’s all keep in mind that the ONLY reason drug trafficking is the big ta do crime is because there’s money in it. There’s little money in anything else around here. That’s why the powers that be are so desperate to keep there hands in the till on the drugs AND to bring gambling in. Why does no one see this? It’s plain as day, not that we have much daylight in this miserable area. And why does no one realize that this area being as miserable as it is compounds the need of people to self-medicate. We don’t need crackdowns and police. We need the yoke taken from our backs and to be able to make a real living in normal work environment. Then you wouldn’t have the poor beaten-down denizens around here buying crack to shot into their eyeballs! This is ALL a problem created by and for the powers that be, so AGAIN we at Hazleton Pravda call on the down-trodden denizens of Hazleton to rise up and make change, voice opinions and stop letting them oppress you more and more each day!
Drugs are the greatest crime here in Hazle-waste-land? No! The greatest crimes are the slave labor camps they call production plants, the oppression of the poor and middle class, the intolerably low wages, and the high and mighty attitudes of those on top of the heap weighing the rest of us down with their heavy pockets full of misbegotten gold reaped from the toils of the walking dead labor force that IS Hazleton!
Magistrate: City’s Fine for Drug Paraphernalia Is Legal
Another HAZLETON style solution. There’s a problem, wring out the poor man on the street with a $417 fine including court costs, which means you gotta pay for the privilege of being shook down and harassed by the powers that be and their minions. They’re’ll be another few hundred dollars in the coffers to then be misappropriated and the REAL problem, the big time drug traffickers can be ignored once again BECAUSE arrests have been made and the Speaker has lapdoggedly reported how wonderful things are getting around here again.
Director Mulls Pulling Architect Off ‘Castle’ Job
At last a scapegoat has been found! Now all you who have been foot dragging, embezzling, palm-greasing and bill-padding to make sure you get every last cent out of this project can rest easy.
EPA Regulations Will Force Sewer Rate Increase
Does that mean we’ll be getting more sewage pumped into Hazleton? That’s usually how deals end up for us ‘round here. Or are they just gonna squeeze more money out of all of us. Come to think of it, WE usually get both of those ways.
Market Fair Seeking $271,000 Loan From City
Wow! That Frenchie-Cannuck has got a LOT of nerve. And the city of Hazle-Stupid appears to be happy to try and get him the money. The Pocono Market Fair has been running short-sightedly since its inception and it’s also been run something like a Siberian Gulag from the start as well. Most of the shop owners have had to SNEAK out of there with their tails between their legs because of high rent for small spaces, and because of the new and improved big brother specials including surveillance cameras and microphones. Microphones? What the HELL is that about? Chances are the phones are tapped too! Can you say ‘paranoid’? I think ya can. You can not run an open market like an Eastern Bloc country during the Soviet Era, not even in Hazleton. It just won’t work. No matter how much money this tripped-out French socialist gets in state money, it will eventually collapse in upon itself. And REMEMBER: as Al Bundy always says, “It is WRONG to be French!”
And of course, this is a news-worthy article that concerns the financial state of the city, so the Speaker buried this one too, on page five of the Thursday paper!
Alleged Killer Slipped Through System
Now THIS makes the front page, BUT all it says ‘between the lines’ is that either this cat was smarter then the average Hazleton-slave which is pretty easy to assume, OR the cops just didn’t want to do their paperwork when they pulled him over in the first place. That also is pretty easy to assume.
Cable Competition Legislation on Way
Well, we’ll keep an eye on this, but no monopoly is the only good monopoly after all.
Obituary Reprints
Now for all you SINK AND DEMENTED hangers on to the living dead of Hazleton, the Standard Speaker has figured out a way of selling more of their crap on parchment and fleecing the psychotically obsessed lamentors of Hazleton. Now you can own what looks like a blow-up version of an obituary of a loved one, or just someone who’s dead and has caught your eye, and that intrigues you enough. Gawd this town is nutz! This is why it is scary to even OPEN the Standard Speaker.
Pay Raise May Haunt Incumbents
Duh! But only if the public cares to try and remember. Spoon-fed and short-termed, YOU the people of this area are sometimes your own worst enemies.
Local Plant to Close
National Starch is leaving. Supposedly they’re going to help their local employees find new work. SORRY. There’s no work to be found in THIS ghetto.
Police to Keep Close Eye on Business They Closed
Yes, they are doing this to remain PUBLICLY vigilant whilst STILL ignoring the REAL problem, which is the big time drug dealers and the powers that be that ALLOW them to operate in Hazleton, for the right price of course.
Here is some old news that needs mention:
—Gombeggar, Editor
County Preserves Area Farm
A little over 1200 acres to be preserved. Wow! When there’s no land to grow ANY food cuz it’s all littered with suburban soccer-mom pre-fab houses. They’ll be tearing up the land to make way for corn and hay.
Hundreds Attend Job Fair
Still there’s NO JOBS around. Funny that.
Final Notes: Since SO MANY people have been looking over Hazleton Pravda trying to find out about Panoramy Magazine, we just though we'd remind you all how useles it is, that it is a waste of paper and run by a man whose best quote is: "I don't think I can pay you this week. I'm going to Atlantic City!" In short Panorama SUKS!
“Hazleton is a 4th World city.”
—Doyna Yar, Contributing Writer & Web Surfer Extraordinaire
Chief: Drugs 85 to 95 Percent of Crime
—“Ferdinand, Hazleton’s Top Drug Abuse Counselor Address Red Carpet Breakfast”—The Standard Speaker
This is just more of the same. The real PROBLEM and it’s a two-fold one is that people suffering in the *trumpets please* Greater Hazleton Area need to self-medicate because factory life is no life at all and that the powers that be are the ones allowing drugs into the area in order to placate their herds of slaves that work in the factories that keep this place a dump. Very cyclic. Did I say cyclic? I meant sick. “Hazleton’s drug problem is a significant part of its overall crime picture, but measures are being taken to contain it, the city’s top law enforcement says,” according to the Standard Speaker.
Let’s all keep in mind that the ONLY reason drug trafficking is the big ta do crime is because there’s money in it. There’s little money in anything else around here. That’s why the powers that be are so desperate to keep there hands in the till on the drugs AND to bring gambling in. Why does no one see this? It’s plain as day, not that we have much daylight in this miserable area. And why does no one realize that this area being as miserable as it is compounds the need of people to self-medicate. We don’t need crackdowns and police. We need the yoke taken from our backs and to be able to make a real living in normal work environment. Then you wouldn’t have the poor beaten-down denizens around here buying crack to shot into their eyeballs! This is ALL a problem created by and for the powers that be, so AGAIN we at Hazleton Pravda call on the down-trodden denizens of Hazleton to rise up and make change, voice opinions and stop letting them oppress you more and more each day!
Drugs are the greatest crime here in Hazle-waste-land? No! The greatest crimes are the slave labor camps they call production plants, the oppression of the poor and middle class, the intolerably low wages, and the high and mighty attitudes of those on top of the heap weighing the rest of us down with their heavy pockets full of misbegotten gold reaped from the toils of the walking dead labor force that IS Hazleton!
Magistrate: City’s Fine for Drug Paraphernalia Is Legal
Another HAZLETON style solution. There’s a problem, wring out the poor man on the street with a $417 fine including court costs, which means you gotta pay for the privilege of being shook down and harassed by the powers that be and their minions. They’re’ll be another few hundred dollars in the coffers to then be misappropriated and the REAL problem, the big time drug traffickers can be ignored once again BECAUSE arrests have been made and the Speaker has lapdoggedly reported how wonderful things are getting around here again.
Director Mulls Pulling Architect Off ‘Castle’ Job
At last a scapegoat has been found! Now all you who have been foot dragging, embezzling, palm-greasing and bill-padding to make sure you get every last cent out of this project can rest easy.
EPA Regulations Will Force Sewer Rate Increase
Does that mean we’ll be getting more sewage pumped into Hazleton? That’s usually how deals end up for us ‘round here. Or are they just gonna squeeze more money out of all of us. Come to think of it, WE usually get both of those ways.
Market Fair Seeking $271,000 Loan From City
Wow! That Frenchie-Cannuck has got a LOT of nerve. And the city of Hazle-Stupid appears to be happy to try and get him the money. The Pocono Market Fair has been running short-sightedly since its inception and it’s also been run something like a Siberian Gulag from the start as well. Most of the shop owners have had to SNEAK out of there with their tails between their legs because of high rent for small spaces, and because of the new and improved big brother specials including surveillance cameras and microphones. Microphones? What the HELL is that about? Chances are the phones are tapped too! Can you say ‘paranoid’? I think ya can. You can not run an open market like an Eastern Bloc country during the Soviet Era, not even in Hazleton. It just won’t work. No matter how much money this tripped-out French socialist gets in state money, it will eventually collapse in upon itself. And REMEMBER: as Al Bundy always says, “It is WRONG to be French!”
And of course, this is a news-worthy article that concerns the financial state of the city, so the Speaker buried this one too, on page five of the Thursday paper!
Alleged Killer Slipped Through System
Now THIS makes the front page, BUT all it says ‘between the lines’ is that either this cat was smarter then the average Hazleton-slave which is pretty easy to assume, OR the cops just didn’t want to do their paperwork when they pulled him over in the first place. That also is pretty easy to assume.
Cable Competition Legislation on Way
Well, we’ll keep an eye on this, but no monopoly is the only good monopoly after all.
Obituary Reprints
Now for all you SINK AND DEMENTED hangers on to the living dead of Hazleton, the Standard Speaker has figured out a way of selling more of their crap on parchment and fleecing the psychotically obsessed lamentors of Hazleton. Now you can own what looks like a blow-up version of an obituary of a loved one, or just someone who’s dead and has caught your eye, and that intrigues you enough. Gawd this town is nutz! This is why it is scary to even OPEN the Standard Speaker.
Pay Raise May Haunt Incumbents
Duh! But only if the public cares to try and remember. Spoon-fed and short-termed, YOU the people of this area are sometimes your own worst enemies.
Local Plant to Close
National Starch is leaving. Supposedly they’re going to help their local employees find new work. SORRY. There’s no work to be found in THIS ghetto.
Police to Keep Close Eye on Business They Closed
Yes, they are doing this to remain PUBLICLY vigilant whilst STILL ignoring the REAL problem, which is the big time drug dealers and the powers that be that ALLOW them to operate in Hazleton, for the right price of course.
Here is some old news that needs mention:
—Gombeggar, Editor
County Preserves Area Farm
A little over 1200 acres to be preserved. Wow! When there’s no land to grow ANY food cuz it’s all littered with suburban soccer-mom pre-fab houses. They’ll be tearing up the land to make way for corn and hay.
Hundreds Attend Job Fair
Still there’s NO JOBS around. Funny that.
Final Notes: Since SO MANY people have been looking over Hazleton Pravda trying to find out about Panoramy Magazine, we just though we'd remind you all how useles it is, that it is a waste of paper and run by a man whose best quote is: "I don't think I can pay you this week. I'm going to Atlantic City!" In short Panorama SUKS!
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