Hazleton Pravda

Columbus Day Observed

Happy Columbus Day Everyone! It’s such a festive and stupid holiday (we at HP love it!) that it only helps if yer in school or a mailman, but hey! North Korea’s Kim Jung Il really got into the spirit of things—He lit off one hell of big firecracker today to honor Columbus’ discovering Diamond Avenue in Hazleton. What a great guy he is—Kim Jung Il—Not Chris Columbus—sorry, Chris Colon (to use his spaghetti name)! Oh, that crazy dictator-kid! On a more local note and speaking of Il Zilco: Mayor Lou is gonna personally give a speech or something down at the Diamond at some big dumb spaghettio event. Yes spaghetti is the food of the day! Now did Mayor Lou attend St. Patrick’s Day events? How about for Martin Luther King Day? Here’s a good one. How about any of the HISPANIC holidays? Isn’t the mayor suppose to represent all the people? Why does it seem like only Italian heritage is fostered here in Hazleton anymore? Enjoy the parades everyone!
—Gombeggar, Editor

Fair Play

“Market Fair owner could lose city’s support if fiscal problems continue” according to Speaker.

Where to begin? Fair play? What an awful ‘play’ on words. Should be more like FOUL PLAY. The Great Frenchie Carpetbagger of the Pocono Market Fair Disaster has finally been seen for the charlatan that he is. He finally rubbed the wrong people the wrong way, by that we mean he stiffed the diego hordes of the Hazleton construction mob. Yep, Roger Soler, first he burned all his renters, then the city making money hand-over-fist, now he’s burning the contractors too—and they’re suing his french-canadian ass. He’s already since July of 2005 according to the Speaker soaked the Business Development Loan Program for $300,000! And he was trying to get an additional $271,000 through the city? It’s amazing the DCED is reconsidering giving it to him. Can you say moneypit children-— think ya can! He even bought the Pocono Market Fair in the first place for a song and a dance at $200,000. Plus he got it under that tax exemption bullshit. So that makes a lot of sense. His five years must be coming up…time to fleece another town, maybe? Currently, and at the beginning of the busiest shopping season of the year going into Christmas, the Market Fair is ‘closed for renovations’—something’s rotten on Poplar Street, friends. What about all the shop owners? What the hell are they going to do? They opened up shops to MAKE money. And all the commercial revenue that is being lost to the city? Lost on Soler? We think not. Naturally Il Zilco—Da Mayor is still kissing Soler’s ass. Shouldn’t the Mayor have the city’s best interests in mind? After the Civil War, carpetbaggers like this were run out of town at gunpoint. Why does Hazleton have to pander to him? Once again we the TAXPAYERS will end up shouldering this, another GOOD DEAL in Hazleton. Here’s what Il Zilco had to say:

“We are aware of [Soler’s financial follies] and we want him to take care of it. We think this is a great project. And, we do think Roger is the man to follow through on it.”—Mayor Lou, according to the Standard Speaker.

The Pocono Market Fair -
- Hazleton's equivalent to Springfield's Monorail!
Sold to you by that piano tickling charlatan Ro'ger-
Remember to Vote Quimby... er Barletta!

Audit: City Finances OK—for Now

Well, we at HP don’t buy it. How can we be doing so good if shops are being arbitrarally closed, factories (disgusting as they are) are packing up and leaving after they lose their tax breaks and every red bloody cent is tied up in the evil powers-that-be of this wretched town, so that NO prosperity can be made with out kick backs and backdoor dealings? And even then a person can hope to just get by. More lies from the Speaker? That’s all. There just doing what they’re told. And printing what they are told to print. Business as usual in Hazleton.

Scranton Council May Review Hazleton’s IIRA

Oh no! All the Hispanics are running to Scranton! Everybody run to the hills! The Latinos are comin’! The Latinos are comin'! Gawd this paranoia is well out of control. And so what if they are migrating? Scranton and Wilkes-Barre are just big Hazleton and they'll find that out. Same game tiny bit bigger pond. Real tiny! And that in and of itself is nasty, sad and a pathetic thought. Not to mention an easy truism.

Panel Slams Illegal Immigration Law

King’s College criticized this whole nonsense, and good, however this is coming from a college and even backwoods colleges such as those in Pennsyltucky are still just like all colleges in the nation: detached and idealistic. This miserable area, the coal cracker region has no time for right and honest, morals, mores. There’s just the backstabbing, the money changing, the bending over and loving every minute of it. Colleges live in isolation, lucky them. In the real world of our area there’s nothing but vultures, weasels—all cutthroat bastards to be sure—people climbing up the ladders and people falling down them—and then there’s people who say, hey this is wrong. And they get thrown right off the ladder altogether. For to wit we need change. It would be lovely if all the world were like a college campus, but all this region is is a slave pit. That’s why we at HP constantly implore the working class slaves and such to think, to try, to speak out—ahh but to no avail. Stop being sheep people. Realize that yer being taken advantage of and pushed around. Your voice counts unless you don’t use it. So cheers anyway to King’s College and the selected panel for criticizing this nonsense law as “racism” according to Stephen Glassman.

Five People Charged in Paintball Vandalism

Ya know, ya just can’t cut loose and have any fun around here anymore.