Thursday, June 10, 2004
Patch Town OR Idiot Glories
For the umpteenth time, Panoramay Magazine has dug deep into that great Hazleton soil to drum up more Glory Daze of Patch Towns controlled by Mine Barons where people slaved away for pittance. But everyone was happy to cut their fingers on slate…at least according Mr. Meat & Potatoes. *My fingers look like sausages. And I’m fat. And I know a good story about the glory days of Hazleton. This is a great place to be a bloodsucker…er did I say that? Burp!* Give it a rest, fat boy. There is no glory in the depths of this area’s past. You are a fool and so are the old bittys who read your magazine!
For the umpteenth time, Panoramay Magazine has dug deep into that great Hazleton soil to drum up more Glory Daze of Patch Towns controlled by Mine Barons where people slaved away for pittance. But everyone was happy to cut their fingers on slate…at least according Mr. Meat & Potatoes. *My fingers look like sausages. And I’m fat. And I know a good story about the glory days of Hazleton. This is a great place to be a bloodsucker…er did I say that? Burp!* Give it a rest, fat boy. There is no glory in the depths of this area’s past. You are a fool and so are the old bittys who read your magazine!
Further Editorial Note Concerning the Standard Speaker
You may notice as was pointed out before that the links to the Standard Speaker newspaper's website are useless. That is done purposely to show how inept the Standard Speaker is that they can't be bothered to maintian any information on their own website.
You may notice as was pointed out before that the links to the Standard Speaker newspaper's website are useless. That is done purposely to show how inept the Standard Speaker is that they can't be bothered to maintian any information on their own website.
Ron Jeremy Coming to the Hazleton Area!
Yes folks, the funniest man ‘with a big schlong out to here’ in the porn industry is gonna be in our backyard Friday June 11. Ron Jeremy is coming to Leave it to Beavers in Rock Glen, PA for one night only! This is the best thing since buttered toast, Eddie! We can only hope he waves his schmeckle at us all! Get your rubber gloves ready he’ll be on hand *doh!* from 7 PM until closing!
Bus Fares Rise
In a place like Hazleton you’d think that since the whole town is geared toward old near-dead bittys and nursing home bound ancients that the public transport system would be more well-embraced. The fact is it is pathetic. It is surprising that the Hazleton area even has busing. And for how pathetic it is, it is like everything else of value in the area UNDERFUNDED! Therefore just like the library the bus transit has to scurry around for money to keep operational. They have to jump on rising gas prices for an excuse to get the money they should be getting already! All real cities and communities have well prepared and cared for plans of mass transit. If Hazleton wants to play like it’s a big city, then Hazleton better start acting like it and provide for the NORMAL services that the rest of the world has had in place for decades now!
Park Cuts in Northeast PA
One of the few things to do in Northeast PA is camping and they’re cutting the funding on parks, cutting $10.5 mill! How about less waste on debates for the official soil of Pennsyltucky and more money for parks, huh? Oh wait! Everyday is a day at the beach when you work for a factory and CANT DO! Who needs recreation when you can have production? The two words ALMOST sound alike.
Weiland & Luzerne County
Well, looks like Kim Weiland is a freak, but that’s OK. She came to the right place to get a job as Luzerne County’s Human Resources Director. I’d have thought that shoplifting and falsifying school credentials were part of the reason she would have been hired around here in the first place. Now I’m not saying that the local government is corrupt. I’m just not saying it, you understand?
Freeland’s Mini Festival
Because the rain came plain on Memorial Day, Freeland is having a make-up day festival Wednesday, June 16 at the Freeland Park from 4 PM to 10 PM. Well, if ya can’t go camping! It’s better then the factory.
Weekender Focuses On Starving Writers
Well why didn’t they come to the Institute? We’re all starving artists here!
Students Find River Clean
Out of the mouths of babes. Oh well, I guess they’ll have to truck in some mine pollutants or something to fix that. According to the Times Leader the water is far cleaner then imagined. Must only have raw sewage in it. Hey, it’s all organic!
Mayor Probes Mystery of Monument
Duh! Huh? What’s this here monument in West Hazletron that’s always been here in West Hazletron? Mayor Puschauver of West Hazletron wants to know all about the World War II monument in his town. Once again, the *trumpets please* Greater Hazleton Area shows its backward ignorance by not even knowing what happened around the area fifty years ago, ya know the good old days when milk was a dime and your daily wage was three pennies, the good times that we’ve forgotten! Idiots!
Weekender Goes Gay
*Singing*It’s like a rainbow. Come in colors everywhere! *Stop singing* Why is gayness addressed in the Weekender? Is it the preference or orientation of the staff, because I don’t see gayness as a thing I want to do this week? The Weekender is SUPPOSED to be about things to do and places to see not sexual orientations to jump into!
Yes folks, the funniest man ‘with a big schlong out to here’ in the porn industry is gonna be in our backyard Friday June 11. Ron Jeremy is coming to Leave it to Beavers in Rock Glen, PA for one night only! This is the best thing since buttered toast, Eddie! We can only hope he waves his schmeckle at us all! Get your rubber gloves ready he’ll be on hand *doh!* from 7 PM until closing!
Bus Fares Rise
In a place like Hazleton you’d think that since the whole town is geared toward old near-dead bittys and nursing home bound ancients that the public transport system would be more well-embraced. The fact is it is pathetic. It is surprising that the Hazleton area even has busing. And for how pathetic it is, it is like everything else of value in the area UNDERFUNDED! Therefore just like the library the bus transit has to scurry around for money to keep operational. They have to jump on rising gas prices for an excuse to get the money they should be getting already! All real cities and communities have well prepared and cared for plans of mass transit. If Hazleton wants to play like it’s a big city, then Hazleton better start acting like it and provide for the NORMAL services that the rest of the world has had in place for decades now!
Park Cuts in Northeast PA
One of the few things to do in Northeast PA is camping and they’re cutting the funding on parks, cutting $10.5 mill! How about less waste on debates for the official soil of Pennsyltucky and more money for parks, huh? Oh wait! Everyday is a day at the beach when you work for a factory and CANT DO! Who needs recreation when you can have production? The two words ALMOST sound alike.
Weiland & Luzerne County
Well, looks like Kim Weiland is a freak, but that’s OK. She came to the right place to get a job as Luzerne County’s Human Resources Director. I’d have thought that shoplifting and falsifying school credentials were part of the reason she would have been hired around here in the first place. Now I’m not saying that the local government is corrupt. I’m just not saying it, you understand?
Freeland’s Mini Festival
Because the rain came plain on Memorial Day, Freeland is having a make-up day festival Wednesday, June 16 at the Freeland Park from 4 PM to 10 PM. Well, if ya can’t go camping! It’s better then the factory.
Weekender Focuses On Starving Writers
Well why didn’t they come to the Institute? We’re all starving artists here!
Students Find River Clean
Out of the mouths of babes. Oh well, I guess they’ll have to truck in some mine pollutants or something to fix that. According to the Times Leader the water is far cleaner then imagined. Must only have raw sewage in it. Hey, it’s all organic!
Mayor Probes Mystery of Monument
Duh! Huh? What’s this here monument in West Hazletron that’s always been here in West Hazletron? Mayor Puschauver of West Hazletron wants to know all about the World War II monument in his town. Once again, the *trumpets please* Greater Hazleton Area shows its backward ignorance by not even knowing what happened around the area fifty years ago, ya know the good old days when milk was a dime and your daily wage was three pennies, the good times that we’ve forgotten! Idiots!
Weekender Goes Gay
*Singing*It’s like a rainbow. Come in colors everywhere! *Stop singing* Why is gayness addressed in the Weekender? Is it the preference or orientation of the staff, because I don’t see gayness as a thing I want to do this week? The Weekender is SUPPOSED to be about things to do and places to see not sexual orientations to jump into!
