Hazleton Pravda

Today is the seventh and final day of Bachelor's Week and the final day of the Three Days of Recovery. Get those rentals back to the store and restock your larder because I'm sure some other drunken festival is on its way! Cheers!

$$$TAX TIME$$$
April 15th is soon approaching. Get those taxes finished up, people! And don’t forget to mail the damn things in like I nearly did! Shouldn’t tax envelopes have free postage? After all, you’re giving up your money by federal mandate as it is. Then you can sit back for another year and see you hard earned dollars going to work for you in Hazleton. (Oh we don't have money for this. We can't afford that. We CAN raise your taxes.) You can witness all the great roads (that we don’t have) all the new services brought in and muddled up by the local infrastructure (CANT DO where are you?) and then closed soon after because all the money went to kickbacks and the businesses or services couldn’t support themselves. Oh, what a great thing to see time stand still in Hazleton as your tax dollars fly out the window and the garbage piles up in the streets.

Cleanup Update: It has begun. I saw somebody’s mattress and metal frame out on the street the other day just waiting for one of the junk pickers to give it a nice brandy new home.

Today is the sixth day of Bachelor's Week: It is also the second day of The Three Days of Recovery. And officially it is Electric Day, a day to do elctrical work on your home, car, etc. Why this is I do not know. Hope the ice packs and aspirin are helping to ease the pain! We're in the home stretch now. Just one more day to go!

Today is the fifth day of Bachelor's Week: It is the start of The Three Days of Recovery. This is a time to rest after the rigorous self-indulgence of the previous three days. It is time to finish off your booze, take lotsa aspirin and eat the rest of that dried up chicken jerky that ya left on the plate next to the couch. Don't take off your NO MA'AM shirt though. That must be warn for the rest of the week. And start rewinding those porn tapes too! Have a happy hangover!
Helpful Hint: Bloody Mary's are excellent hangover drinks

Today is the fourth day of Bachelor’s Week: Bachelor’s Dae. This is probably the oldest of the Institute holidays. It certainly is the oldest one that anyone at the Institute can recall. It is a day to rejoice in your Bachelorhood or lament your compromising to the institution of marriage or union to the opposite sex. To celebrate the preferred liquor of choice is rum (any flavor light, dark, spiced, etc.) so that you can put on a good piratey drunk! However, any alcoholic beverage will do. Unkle Vlad (Vladamir Vodka) is a good substitute, as is Manishevitz for a really angry drunk-on. So get out your NO MA’AM T-shirts (I know you all have one! If not check the link below for information.) make a particularly stiff drink and start getting good and krunked because you earned it! You’re a single guy!

NO MA'AM!

(An equally good rant on Bachelor’s Dae is posted at the Institute Bulletin on the webring. Check it out!)