Tuesday, October 19, 2004
My Experience at the Bloomsburg Fair
I had to go. I was forced to, because I promised someone that I would take that person to this boony festival because that person lives for the Bloomsburg Fair every year like so many other boneheads!
I had been spared this nonsense for what I guess to be maybe ten years or better, perhaps 12. Yes, 12 glorious years with out the aroma of cow flops wafting over to cover up the smell of intensely fried foods and all the other strange and bizarre things that the fair has to offer.
We arrived late in the afternoon and parking was a nightmare. Mud was everywhere and that was just the beginning.
The wondrous droves of people to trip over were just moving like cattle and the sun was ever in my eyes. I wore my sunnies but that didn’t help. I was blinded for a good long while. So I followed my companion who wrecklessly fumbled through the crowd anyway. So I mapped my blind way by the smells of carnie foods heavily laden with grease. I knew the food court had bisected the stables when the food smells intertwined with waves of the smell of animal dung. I was bored almost instantly
I tried my best to show my charge a good time while that person visited the coveted Bloomsburg Fair. I was looking to selfishly make good karma for myself, but by that admission any good due me is now negated anyway.
I noticed everything was still all in its place. All the stands were exactly parked or nailed down where they’d been years before. And we found the one stand I usually looked forward to, the taco stand. Many people express to me that the best thing about the fair is the food. That’s like all the boneheads who love the Taco Bell at the Laurel Mall. It’s Grade D meat on a good day, but no one in Hazleton seems to mind. Well, the food at the Bloomsburg Fair makes Taco Bell slop look like wine and cavier. This one shop that I used to halfway enjoy with it’s perceived authentic Mexican tacos was never that great, but this year it was run by the sons of the sons of the grandfather that owned the wheel away stand and the food just sucked!
What’s it say when the Bloomsburg Fair carnies and stand owners are skimping in comparison to the shit they usually shovel out?
All in all I was so glad and relieved to leave the fair I can’t even express it, only the horror that my companion’s immediate comment was ‘I can’t wait till next year’ reminded me that for 150 years the Bloomsburg Fair has been stupidly terrorizing the tri-state area and there is NO end in sight.
Oh, I saw the clam-sandwich stand. What the hell is that all about? What’s a clamsandwich if you’re not talking about a guy getting into the middle of some funky lesbian action? Bread and muscles don’t do it for me.
Recycling the PA Way
I just have to point this out. I’m sitting here with a plastic sleeve that was until recently wrapped around a plastic bottle of ginger ale. On the side of the wrapper is listed a number of states that this product is distributed to that RECYCLE. Guess what? Pennsylvania is not one of them. Not surprised? Neither was I. I was under the impression that at least parts of Hazleton recycle, but that’s not enough. Recycling needs to be statewide. It’s bad enough we are taking all the garbage from the metro areas of New York, New Jersey and probably Washington DC as well to fill up our wonderful landfills. We need to be thinking about tomorrow and trying to recycle every damn thing we have and we’d better get on it now!
I personally recycle and reuse everything I can (with in reason). Everyone should. Oh, sorry to take an extra five minutes out of your day, but this planet belongs to all of us ya bunch of nimrods!
Plastic and just about everything can be recycled. Look at the plastic factories in Humbolt and Valmont. They recycle all their scrap and remold it, so it’s not out of the question the materials we discard could be properly separated and set to facilities to reclaim them. This area has got to get off it’s ass and start cleaning things up. We have toxic spills from gas stations, mine water everywhere and trash (above and beyond what’s being trucked in) along all the roadsides. It really is disgusting. What lazy denizens of the area seem to pass over is that we the people must do something about it. Think! Don’t throw that can out your window while going down Stockton Mountain. Don’t let your garbage float down 3-4 blocks because it’s outta sight outta mind. Have some pride in how your city looks. Have some pride in yourselves. Stop being so fucking lazy that every trouble in Hazleton is someone’s to deal with. People of Hazleton: Stop being Assholes and Pigs. We realize that it’s easy to go with our strong points, but try and do something to help yourselves. Pick up a piece of garbage today if only to put it in a garbage can for gawd sake!
Polka King Gets Federal Prison
Well, Hazleton Pravda really hates to get back on this track, but once again the media won’t let it go. And just to begin this, let us say a big hello to the family of Jan Lewan who were so nice as to remark as kindly as they could on an earlier statement about the polka-thief’s mis-adventures in prison. So ‘hi’ out there in polka land! Now, the only point is to re-iterate that the man would not be in prison if he hadn’t fleeced so many people. Ya do the crime (and get caught) then you do the time, sorry kids polka just doesn’t pay! Were it any of our staff here at Pravda we’d not be treated with any kid gloves for such larceny.
Actually, Hazleton Pravda doesn’t really care what Jan Lewan did, is doing or is going to do, BUT we hate polka. Let’s make that clear. Upon reading this latest article about Lewan going to federal prison I was reminded of Escape from Alcatraz with Clint Eastwood, where Eastwood takes up the accordion. I was horrified by the thought of being stuck in prison celled next to someone polka-ing at me. That’s just awful.
Vet Seats Find New Home in Hazleton
Didn’t I just remark about us getting everyone’s junk? And the powers that be are gonna build an amphitheater on mine fill land. Gee, big surprise, huh? 12,000 seats? They’re free? Hazleton will take ‘em if it’s free, just like Panoramy!
Speaking of the Speaker
Hazleton Pravda has recently been doing much un-necessary leg-work recently to get a feel for what’s happening in the slum-dump known as Hazleton, oh and to get pics for Virtual Hazleton. Anyway, in doing this walk about town, Hazleton Pravda correspondents and staff alike have been made very aware of how disliked, and hated the Standard Speaker is by the average joe on the street. The ideally amusing thing is that Pravda has not been looking for such slanders against the ‘premier’ newspaper of Hazleton. People just can’t help slamming it for it’s lack of any journalistic integrity and how the paper as a whole sucks the ass of whatever regime is in power.
Several names for the paper include: The Slander Speaker, The Sub-Slandered-Squeaker, and Slandered-Squeaker. I’m sure there are others, any number of turns on the name of the most ridiculed paper in the Hazleton area, we’ve heard.
Denizens insists that the Speaker does nothing but report on the good angles of the Hazleton power that be, CANT DO, and everything else in the area and that they bury the truth so blatantly that infants (who can’t read) can discern that the paper is so slanted it ridiculous. By the way, those aforementioned infants can also out-write all the senior staff of the Speaker as well, but that is just the opinion of Hazleton Pravda. Sorry Speaker-boys, you guys need to go back to school or at the very least crack open those dusty dictionaries. At the very least remember that they put erasers on pencils for a reason. Now stop being lapdogs and say it like it is. Your Speak-easy part in this whole mess we call Hazleton only helps to perpetuate the problem, ya know? Stop being so one-sided!
Wright Twp. Wells Have Cancer Agent
So the old Foster-Wheeler plant up in Crestwood had a bunch of carcinogenics seeping out of it. Again, no surprise there. They used to have all sorts of irradiating devices going full tilt up there before anyone knew that was a BAD thing. No the well water is polluted. Is there anything man has created under the guise of the industrial revolution that hasn’t been realized to come back and bite us on the ass?
Top Cop Smokes Pot
Well, we at Pravda were well aware that Weatherly cops were a little nutty, but we didn’t know they were just plain stupid. Oh well, a new one on us. In the future, police wannabees remember that the drugs you acquire in the line of duty are accounted for.
I had to go. I was forced to, because I promised someone that I would take that person to this boony festival because that person lives for the Bloomsburg Fair every year like so many other boneheads!
I had been spared this nonsense for what I guess to be maybe ten years or better, perhaps 12. Yes, 12 glorious years with out the aroma of cow flops wafting over to cover up the smell of intensely fried foods and all the other strange and bizarre things that the fair has to offer.
We arrived late in the afternoon and parking was a nightmare. Mud was everywhere and that was just the beginning.
The wondrous droves of people to trip over were just moving like cattle and the sun was ever in my eyes. I wore my sunnies but that didn’t help. I was blinded for a good long while. So I followed my companion who wrecklessly fumbled through the crowd anyway. So I mapped my blind way by the smells of carnie foods heavily laden with grease. I knew the food court had bisected the stables when the food smells intertwined with waves of the smell of animal dung. I was bored almost instantly
I tried my best to show my charge a good time while that person visited the coveted Bloomsburg Fair. I was looking to selfishly make good karma for myself, but by that admission any good due me is now negated anyway.
I noticed everything was still all in its place. All the stands were exactly parked or nailed down where they’d been years before. And we found the one stand I usually looked forward to, the taco stand. Many people express to me that the best thing about the fair is the food. That’s like all the boneheads who love the Taco Bell at the Laurel Mall. It’s Grade D meat on a good day, but no one in Hazleton seems to mind. Well, the food at the Bloomsburg Fair makes Taco Bell slop look like wine and cavier. This one shop that I used to halfway enjoy with it’s perceived authentic Mexican tacos was never that great, but this year it was run by the sons of the sons of the grandfather that owned the wheel away stand and the food just sucked!
What’s it say when the Bloomsburg Fair carnies and stand owners are skimping in comparison to the shit they usually shovel out?
All in all I was so glad and relieved to leave the fair I can’t even express it, only the horror that my companion’s immediate comment was ‘I can’t wait till next year’ reminded me that for 150 years the Bloomsburg Fair has been stupidly terrorizing the tri-state area and there is NO end in sight.
Oh, I saw the clam-sandwich stand. What the hell is that all about? What’s a clamsandwich if you’re not talking about a guy getting into the middle of some funky lesbian action? Bread and muscles don’t do it for me.
Recycling the PA Way
I just have to point this out. I’m sitting here with a plastic sleeve that was until recently wrapped around a plastic bottle of ginger ale. On the side of the wrapper is listed a number of states that this product is distributed to that RECYCLE. Guess what? Pennsylvania is not one of them. Not surprised? Neither was I. I was under the impression that at least parts of Hazleton recycle, but that’s not enough. Recycling needs to be statewide. It’s bad enough we are taking all the garbage from the metro areas of New York, New Jersey and probably Washington DC as well to fill up our wonderful landfills. We need to be thinking about tomorrow and trying to recycle every damn thing we have and we’d better get on it now!
I personally recycle and reuse everything I can (with in reason). Everyone should. Oh, sorry to take an extra five minutes out of your day, but this planet belongs to all of us ya bunch of nimrods!
Plastic and just about everything can be recycled. Look at the plastic factories in Humbolt and Valmont. They recycle all their scrap and remold it, so it’s not out of the question the materials we discard could be properly separated and set to facilities to reclaim them. This area has got to get off it’s ass and start cleaning things up. We have toxic spills from gas stations, mine water everywhere and trash (above and beyond what’s being trucked in) along all the roadsides. It really is disgusting. What lazy denizens of the area seem to pass over is that we the people must do something about it. Think! Don’t throw that can out your window while going down Stockton Mountain. Don’t let your garbage float down 3-4 blocks because it’s outta sight outta mind. Have some pride in how your city looks. Have some pride in yourselves. Stop being so fucking lazy that every trouble in Hazleton is someone’s to deal with. People of Hazleton: Stop being Assholes and Pigs. We realize that it’s easy to go with our strong points, but try and do something to help yourselves. Pick up a piece of garbage today if only to put it in a garbage can for gawd sake!
Polka King Gets Federal Prison
Well, Hazleton Pravda really hates to get back on this track, but once again the media won’t let it go. And just to begin this, let us say a big hello to the family of Jan Lewan who were so nice as to remark as kindly as they could on an earlier statement about the polka-thief’s mis-adventures in prison. So ‘hi’ out there in polka land! Now, the only point is to re-iterate that the man would not be in prison if he hadn’t fleeced so many people. Ya do the crime (and get caught) then you do the time, sorry kids polka just doesn’t pay! Were it any of our staff here at Pravda we’d not be treated with any kid gloves for such larceny.
Actually, Hazleton Pravda doesn’t really care what Jan Lewan did, is doing or is going to do, BUT we hate polka. Let’s make that clear. Upon reading this latest article about Lewan going to federal prison I was reminded of Escape from Alcatraz with Clint Eastwood, where Eastwood takes up the accordion. I was horrified by the thought of being stuck in prison celled next to someone polka-ing at me. That’s just awful.
Vet Seats Find New Home in Hazleton
Didn’t I just remark about us getting everyone’s junk? And the powers that be are gonna build an amphitheater on mine fill land. Gee, big surprise, huh? 12,000 seats? They’re free? Hazleton will take ‘em if it’s free, just like Panoramy!
Speaking of the Speaker
Hazleton Pravda has recently been doing much un-necessary leg-work recently to get a feel for what’s happening in the slum-dump known as Hazleton, oh and to get pics for Virtual Hazleton. Anyway, in doing this walk about town, Hazleton Pravda correspondents and staff alike have been made very aware of how disliked, and hated the Standard Speaker is by the average joe on the street. The ideally amusing thing is that Pravda has not been looking for such slanders against the ‘premier’ newspaper of Hazleton. People just can’t help slamming it for it’s lack of any journalistic integrity and how the paper as a whole sucks the ass of whatever regime is in power.
Several names for the paper include: The Slander Speaker, The Sub-Slandered-Squeaker, and Slandered-Squeaker. I’m sure there are others, any number of turns on the name of the most ridiculed paper in the Hazleton area, we’ve heard.
Denizens insists that the Speaker does nothing but report on the good angles of the Hazleton power that be, CANT DO, and everything else in the area and that they bury the truth so blatantly that infants (who can’t read) can discern that the paper is so slanted it ridiculous. By the way, those aforementioned infants can also out-write all the senior staff of the Speaker as well, but that is just the opinion of Hazleton Pravda. Sorry Speaker-boys, you guys need to go back to school or at the very least crack open those dusty dictionaries. At the very least remember that they put erasers on pencils for a reason. Now stop being lapdogs and say it like it is. Your Speak-easy part in this whole mess we call Hazleton only helps to perpetuate the problem, ya know? Stop being so one-sided!
Wright Twp. Wells Have Cancer Agent
So the old Foster-Wheeler plant up in Crestwood had a bunch of carcinogenics seeping out of it. Again, no surprise there. They used to have all sorts of irradiating devices going full tilt up there before anyone knew that was a BAD thing. No the well water is polluted. Is there anything man has created under the guise of the industrial revolution that hasn’t been realized to come back and bite us on the ass?
Top Cop Smokes Pot
Well, we at Pravda were well aware that Weatherly cops were a little nutty, but we didn’t know they were just plain stupid. Oh well, a new one on us. In the future, police wannabees remember that the drugs you acquire in the line of duty are accounted for.
