Saturday, May 07, 2005
After another long sabbatical, Hazleton Pravda is back!
We’d like to begin with some old news (well, it’s all OLD news in Hazleton, same old-same old news, in fact, but there’s always a new scheme or scam to go on about).
A while back over the Easter holiday, WYLN ran a show right out of the “Don’t Leave Hazleton” Campaign, in fact there should have been a banner up saying “Please Don’t Leave Hazleton—We’re Begging You!” A Ms. Danielle Wittig was on this show expounding all the great opportunities here in the Moldy Breadbasket of the Appalachians. Wittig is a beautiful girl and has amazing breasts, but she’s a terrible liar. She couldn’t even convince herself of the things she was saying, which went something along the lines of: “There are exciting career opportunities in…” Here she paused stopping short of herself. She had a look on her face that said, I can’t think of any exciting career opportunities around here. And I hate my own job! Or maybe: Now how does that line go? I thought I memorized what THEY told me to say. Then she finished her statement with “…business management” or something like that or accounting, not looking convinced of herself in the least bit. This blatant hiccup in her whole argument in favor of the supposed opportunities around here was shot to hell in that one moment of dead air. It was a hilariously dead give away. On top of that, they even had either high school or college kids speaking in monotone on the panel saying this drool stuff about their plans to build careers and long lives in this sandtrap.
When you can’t even put the propaganda out there with a straight face what does that say about the obvious flaws ingrained into the meat grinder machine that is Hazleton’s trump card? I say fuck the factory! Fuck CAN’T DO! And move! Oh, and if ya want a good laugh try and catch the show in question.
Note: There is apparantly no WYLN-TV website availible at this time.
STUPID DAY Takes Place in Hazleton: Thursday, March 17, 2005
This is obviously another backlogged item that we at HP have been sitting on—Gombeggar
This is in no way an affront to the Irish in Hazleton and around the area who were celebrating their holiday with much veal and vigor. We at HP applaud St. Patrick’s Day for all it’s drunken connotations and encourage everyone to celebrated Irish or not. No, STUPID DAY just happens to fall on the same day and HP would like announce it as the first official holiday of Hazleton. It’s just about like any other day around here. You don’t get a day off work. You don’t throw any parties. And since a lot of people in Hazleton are pretty stupid to begin with the only real difference is that on this day of 2005, people appeared to behave even stupider then usual especially if they were in automobiles. So to commemorate the seeming impossibility of people becoming denser for a day here Hazleton, STUPID DAY will now be celebrated annually. This will give the real loony shut ins and freaks a chance to go out and muck up the day a little more then usual for all the tired masses droning about their daily lives as usual. It also gives the rest of us an opportunity to have an excuse for once a year for any of the real boners we all pull on occasion.
See ya next StUpId DaY!
Hazleton Pravda Guestbook Feedback
We would like to thank ‘An Occasional Visitor’ for commenting last night in our guestbook section and getting our staff here at HP off their asses enough to get back to documenting the unspoken truths once more.
As always we are happy to receive feedback from our readers whether it be good or bad comments. This not only helps us gauge our audience, but it helps us to gauge ourselves and the material we present to the *blah* Hazleton Area.
‘An Occasional Visitor’ was confused by our use of the term ‘Deigo’ and corrected us by offering the spelling to be ‘Dago’. However, this reader like many has misunderstood the purpose of some of the littler nuances of HP as well as the Hazleton Area. In much the same vein as the name Hazleton being a 100 some years or better clerical mistake because some idiot thought it looked better that way, and for the idiots of Hazleton themselves who like it being misspelled when it should rightly be: HAZELTON, not HAZ-LE-TON, DAGO being a foolish, wopish term to begin with is therefore deemed as DEIGO here at HP, because a proper spelling of the term just doesn’t sit well with us here. The deigos around here don’t deserve a proper slur anyway.
Furthermore, DEIGO is more in tune with the idea that these ARE Hazleton dagos which are a little lower on the food chain then actual real Italian Americans that are dagos. And of course to further remind our viewing audience, we at HP have already made in our estimation a very fair assessment in the past of our views of local ethnicity. There are Italians and then there are deigos. By this we mean there are good people in this ethnic group and then there are pushy, loud, greasy, ignorant jackasses who think the world owes them and that it’s all right to step on everyone around whose not a pizzano and even then the lines are blurred.
This view is the same for all groups in Hazleton. There are black people and niggers (not the popular ghetto-gangsta term that da brothers call each other). There are hunks and there are dumb-hunks for lack of a better slur on them. Etc., etc. Incidentally, if anyone has any good ethnic slurs for the likes of hunks or pols and such feel free to send them along to us at HP! We’d be happy to list them.
But getting back to the Hazleton Deigos, this is just another symptom of the area where people behave like animals to one another and think it’s perfectly alright because the systems in place here treat people like animals to begin with. So these ‘slurs’ as ‘An Occasional Visitor’ puts it are NOT intended to belittle an entire ethnic group, but to single out those that are walking around town pretending they are living in the Godfather movies really. HP is not a racist blog. HP is merely pointing out the short-comings of Hazleton offering them up so that you the public begin to recognize these problems and to correct them because change begins with you!
Once again, a big thanks to ‘An Occasional Visitor’ for his or her input. We hope more viewers out there will take the time to let us know what’s on their minds.
Pope John Paul II Dies
The Pope died after a long drawn out “Is he dead? I’m getting better. You’ll be stone dead in a minute! *Thunk!*” and no one can let the poor man rest here in Hazleton. Although the Vatican and the Catholic Church is in general among the most corrupt and despicable organizations on earth, Pope John Paul II appeared to do his best in the face of ignorant humanity and the masses of sheep that they are to do some good, to reach out to the world.
Here in Hazleton, old gray haired biddies bemoan the fact that he has passed on saying stupid and ignorant things like “I wish he could have lived forever,” not thinking that the man was so frail and infirm by the end being on a tube to feed him and with a tracheotomy because his throat was so swelled. What kind of eternal existence would that have been? Selfish Hazleton geriatrics felt sorrow more for themselves then for the pontiff. Yet every television set was blasting for days upon days with sick fascination staring at a video feed of the Vatican apartment with really nothing to see until the man died, or more to the point when the Vatican actually announced his death. “I was up at 3 AM watching his funeral,” said another old biddy. “ Wasn’t it lovely?” Now there’s a morbid thought if ever there was one. All these ancients clinging to life to a frightening degree and on the other hand being obsessed with death is just mindblowing.
Any good Hazleton Catholics, those olden freaks who play the lottery, pray the rosary and have their tarot cards read all in the same day will love checking out the above link! Enjoy!
The Ongoing River Dredge Controversy: Project or Problem (It Can Be Both in Hazleton!)
Another brilliant idea brought to you by the kinds of people who say, “Please truck your garbage here to PA. We’ll take anything if yer giving it away!” Of course, there’s probably a nominal fee for all this river sludge. How many back door deals are going on as we speak? This issue is just going back and forth with the Speaker expounding (there’s that word Neil Rodino doesn’t understand!) all that the powers that be say how great this idea is. Oh, they’re reporting it, all this flip-flopping about people fighting this environmentally disgusting idea and those in power shoving it down Hazleton’s throat. Oh, they’re saying it’s worked reclaiming land in the middle of the state and all this and that’s crap.
A flyer was circulated around Hazleton with a skull and crossbones at the top of the first page followed by the words: “Beware! River Dredge Sludge Coming To The Hazleton Area Compliments of Mayor Lou Barletta.” It’s nice to know there ARE people out there in the drudgery of Hazleton that DO care enough to speak out. That was followed by some stats and information about just what would be coming to the area, great things! Things like medical waste, dyes and paint solvents; oils and sulfuric acid. Isn’t the ground salted enough????? Don’t CANT DO factories in Valmont, Humboldt and Crestwood create enough of that crap night after bloody night 24/7????
The flyer asks the question: “Do You Want The New Recreation Area And In Ground Swimming Pool On This Land?” Your answer should be NO!
We Have a Pope!
Weez gotz a new Pontiff, Pope Betadyne the First, Pope Benedict Arnold the 27th, Pope Benedryl the Mumpy! Well, all the old biddies can have a new Pope to fawn over. And on the bright side, according to Nostradomus that brings us one Pope closer to Armageddon! Or is that Meggido?
Diamond City—Bane of the Weekender?
A new free publication Diamond City is beginning to muscle in on the established area ‘Things Ta Do’ publication, The Weekender in Hazleton. Noticeable changes in the look and content of The Weekender seem to point to a little pressure from this new competition out of this new periodical from the Citizen’s Voice. Competition is almost always a good shake up. Can Diamond City break The Weekender monopoly on reporting all there is NOT to do in Northeast PA, but drink? Time will tell. Perhaps this will make for better content in both publications.
Al Frente—The Growing Hispanic Culture in Hazleton UPDATE
Still the denizens of Hazleton let their fears grow about the influxing immigration of Hispanics into Hazleton. This probably stems from the fact that a good portion of these new lambs coming to the slaughter of CANT DO factories are actually decent hardworking people. That must totally throw a curveball to miserable, hateful and distrusting Hazletonians. Well, ya better learn Spanish folks, cuz the old ways are on their way out.
We’d like to begin with some old news (well, it’s all OLD news in Hazleton, same old-same old news, in fact, but there’s always a new scheme or scam to go on about).
A while back over the Easter holiday, WYLN ran a show right out of the “Don’t Leave Hazleton” Campaign, in fact there should have been a banner up saying “Please Don’t Leave Hazleton—We’re Begging You!” A Ms. Danielle Wittig was on this show expounding all the great opportunities here in the Moldy Breadbasket of the Appalachians. Wittig is a beautiful girl and has amazing breasts, but she’s a terrible liar. She couldn’t even convince herself of the things she was saying, which went something along the lines of: “There are exciting career opportunities in…” Here she paused stopping short of herself. She had a look on her face that said, I can’t think of any exciting career opportunities around here. And I hate my own job! Or maybe: Now how does that line go? I thought I memorized what THEY told me to say. Then she finished her statement with “…business management” or something like that or accounting, not looking convinced of herself in the least bit. This blatant hiccup in her whole argument in favor of the supposed opportunities around here was shot to hell in that one moment of dead air. It was a hilariously dead give away. On top of that, they even had either high school or college kids speaking in monotone on the panel saying this drool stuff about their plans to build careers and long lives in this sandtrap.
When you can’t even put the propaganda out there with a straight face what does that say about the obvious flaws ingrained into the meat grinder machine that is Hazleton’s trump card? I say fuck the factory! Fuck CAN’T DO! And move! Oh, and if ya want a good laugh try and catch the show in question.
Note: There is apparantly no WYLN-TV website availible at this time.
STUPID DAY Takes Place in Hazleton: Thursday, March 17, 2005
This is obviously another backlogged item that we at HP have been sitting on—Gombeggar
This is in no way an affront to the Irish in Hazleton and around the area who were celebrating their holiday with much veal and vigor. We at HP applaud St. Patrick’s Day for all it’s drunken connotations and encourage everyone to celebrated Irish or not. No, STUPID DAY just happens to fall on the same day and HP would like announce it as the first official holiday of Hazleton. It’s just about like any other day around here. You don’t get a day off work. You don’t throw any parties. And since a lot of people in Hazleton are pretty stupid to begin with the only real difference is that on this day of 2005, people appeared to behave even stupider then usual especially if they were in automobiles. So to commemorate the seeming impossibility of people becoming denser for a day here Hazleton, STUPID DAY will now be celebrated annually. This will give the real loony shut ins and freaks a chance to go out and muck up the day a little more then usual for all the tired masses droning about their daily lives as usual. It also gives the rest of us an opportunity to have an excuse for once a year for any of the real boners we all pull on occasion.
See ya next StUpId DaY!
Hazleton Pravda Guestbook Feedback
We would like to thank ‘An Occasional Visitor’ for commenting last night in our guestbook section and getting our staff here at HP off their asses enough to get back to documenting the unspoken truths once more.
As always we are happy to receive feedback from our readers whether it be good or bad comments. This not only helps us gauge our audience, but it helps us to gauge ourselves and the material we present to the *blah* Hazleton Area.
‘An Occasional Visitor’ was confused by our use of the term ‘Deigo’ and corrected us by offering the spelling to be ‘Dago’. However, this reader like many has misunderstood the purpose of some of the littler nuances of HP as well as the Hazleton Area. In much the same vein as the name Hazleton being a 100 some years or better clerical mistake because some idiot thought it looked better that way, and for the idiots of Hazleton themselves who like it being misspelled when it should rightly be: HAZELTON, not HAZ-LE-TON, DAGO being a foolish, wopish term to begin with is therefore deemed as DEIGO here at HP, because a proper spelling of the term just doesn’t sit well with us here. The deigos around here don’t deserve a proper slur anyway.
Furthermore, DEIGO is more in tune with the idea that these ARE Hazleton dagos which are a little lower on the food chain then actual real Italian Americans that are dagos. And of course to further remind our viewing audience, we at HP have already made in our estimation a very fair assessment in the past of our views of local ethnicity. There are Italians and then there are deigos. By this we mean there are good people in this ethnic group and then there are pushy, loud, greasy, ignorant jackasses who think the world owes them and that it’s all right to step on everyone around whose not a pizzano and even then the lines are blurred.
This view is the same for all groups in Hazleton. There are black people and niggers (not the popular ghetto-gangsta term that da brothers call each other). There are hunks and there are dumb-hunks for lack of a better slur on them. Etc., etc. Incidentally, if anyone has any good ethnic slurs for the likes of hunks or pols and such feel free to send them along to us at HP! We’d be happy to list them.
But getting back to the Hazleton Deigos, this is just another symptom of the area where people behave like animals to one another and think it’s perfectly alright because the systems in place here treat people like animals to begin with. So these ‘slurs’ as ‘An Occasional Visitor’ puts it are NOT intended to belittle an entire ethnic group, but to single out those that are walking around town pretending they are living in the Godfather movies really. HP is not a racist blog. HP is merely pointing out the short-comings of Hazleton offering them up so that you the public begin to recognize these problems and to correct them because change begins with you!
Once again, a big thanks to ‘An Occasional Visitor’ for his or her input. We hope more viewers out there will take the time to let us know what’s on their minds.
Pope John Paul II Dies
The Pope died after a long drawn out “Is he dead? I’m getting better. You’ll be stone dead in a minute! *Thunk!*” and no one can let the poor man rest here in Hazleton. Although the Vatican and the Catholic Church is in general among the most corrupt and despicable organizations on earth, Pope John Paul II appeared to do his best in the face of ignorant humanity and the masses of sheep that they are to do some good, to reach out to the world.
Here in Hazleton, old gray haired biddies bemoan the fact that he has passed on saying stupid and ignorant things like “I wish he could have lived forever,” not thinking that the man was so frail and infirm by the end being on a tube to feed him and with a tracheotomy because his throat was so swelled. What kind of eternal existence would that have been? Selfish Hazleton geriatrics felt sorrow more for themselves then for the pontiff. Yet every television set was blasting for days upon days with sick fascination staring at a video feed of the Vatican apartment with really nothing to see until the man died, or more to the point when the Vatican actually announced his death. “I was up at 3 AM watching his funeral,” said another old biddy. “ Wasn’t it lovely?” Now there’s a morbid thought if ever there was one. All these ancients clinging to life to a frightening degree and on the other hand being obsessed with death is just mindblowing.
Any good Hazleton Catholics, those olden freaks who play the lottery, pray the rosary and have their tarot cards read all in the same day will love checking out the above link! Enjoy!
The Ongoing River Dredge Controversy: Project or Problem (It Can Be Both in Hazleton!)
Another brilliant idea brought to you by the kinds of people who say, “Please truck your garbage here to PA. We’ll take anything if yer giving it away!” Of course, there’s probably a nominal fee for all this river sludge. How many back door deals are going on as we speak? This issue is just going back and forth with the Speaker expounding (there’s that word Neil Rodino doesn’t understand!) all that the powers that be say how great this idea is. Oh, they’re reporting it, all this flip-flopping about people fighting this environmentally disgusting idea and those in power shoving it down Hazleton’s throat. Oh, they’re saying it’s worked reclaiming land in the middle of the state and all this and that’s crap.
A flyer was circulated around Hazleton with a skull and crossbones at the top of the first page followed by the words: “Beware! River Dredge Sludge Coming To The Hazleton Area Compliments of Mayor Lou Barletta.” It’s nice to know there ARE people out there in the drudgery of Hazleton that DO care enough to speak out. That was followed by some stats and information about just what would be coming to the area, great things! Things like medical waste, dyes and paint solvents; oils and sulfuric acid. Isn’t the ground salted enough????? Don’t CANT DO factories in Valmont, Humboldt and Crestwood create enough of that crap night after bloody night 24/7????
The flyer asks the question: “Do You Want The New Recreation Area And In Ground Swimming Pool On This Land?” Your answer should be NO!
We Have a Pope!
Weez gotz a new Pontiff, Pope Betadyne the First, Pope Benedict Arnold the 27th, Pope Benedryl the Mumpy! Well, all the old biddies can have a new Pope to fawn over. And on the bright side, according to Nostradomus that brings us one Pope closer to Armageddon! Or is that Meggido?
Diamond City—Bane of the Weekender?
A new free publication Diamond City is beginning to muscle in on the established area ‘Things Ta Do’ publication, The Weekender in Hazleton. Noticeable changes in the look and content of The Weekender seem to point to a little pressure from this new competition out of this new periodical from the Citizen’s Voice. Competition is almost always a good shake up. Can Diamond City break The Weekender monopoly on reporting all there is NOT to do in Northeast PA, but drink? Time will tell. Perhaps this will make for better content in both publications.
Al Frente—The Growing Hispanic Culture in Hazleton UPDATE
Still the denizens of Hazleton let their fears grow about the influxing immigration of Hispanics into Hazleton. This probably stems from the fact that a good portion of these new lambs coming to the slaughter of CANT DO factories are actually decent hardworking people. That must totally throw a curveball to miserable, hateful and distrusting Hazletonians. Well, ya better learn Spanish folks, cuz the old ways are on their way out.
