Saturday, September 25, 2004
Flooding Adds to Rocky Road Debate
Flood Flood Flood
So now everyone is going to have their hands out for flood relief money. Nothing will get fixed, but that’s not unusual. The roads will continue to be a hellish mess, which will be made worse by the coming winter and freezing temperatures. So by this time next year we will be driving on roads from Little House on the Prairie all nothing but mud and rocks. I’ll be looking for that old dude with the big black beard, the guy who ended up on Highway to Hell (staple television viewing for Hazleton’s geriatric mobs). It all rings of job security for Penn Dot (whether they want it or not) and the natural order of Hazleton to misappropriate funding. Expect tax hikes for road repair and traffic headaches (I mean more then usual) in the next year. And all you’re gonna hear for the next decade is how bad the flood hit, not how no one around here lifted a finger to repair the damage or the damage brought on by apathy for the last fifty years or so.
GHHA Breaks Ground for Expansion
Since our local medical facilities are dangerously under-funded and terribly mismanaged, it will be good to finally have AT LEAST more room. Much like the expansion (however poorly engineered) of roadways lately, this is something long overdue.
PA Historical & Museum Commission Problems with Eckley
So the local powers that be wanna take historical homes in Eckley and turn them into cheap housing? Figures. Thank Gawd, the PA Commission is stepping in. Can’t use abandoned buildings like D A Harmon to make proper apartments, but the Hazleton area power base can see fit to take some local history and turn it into half-doubles the premier housing choice of the area!
Arsonist in White Haven
Boy, those cats really love their fires! Now they're into torching parked cars…ahh, to be young again and doing the new hip craze and trends! It's all fun and games till someone burns down White Haven...Again!
Socialist Building Attacked on N. Wyoming St.
Well, of course it was. Socialism speaks of equality and fairness in the work place. That means death to the oppressors of CANT DO. Those fat cats can't keep up their slave trade-work force in Hazleton if people start hearing the truth about how oppressed and ground under they are, or worse, if people started to think on their own..."Ya know, things are better ELSEWHERE." Just think what would happen to our way of life if people realized that by law you are supposed to have work BREAKS and LUNCH and that people aren’t suppose to work 36 hours in just one DAY! No someone throws a brick through the front window and starts a fire in fear of Socialism. Once again Hazleton Pravda proclaims Hazleton the LAND OF IDIOTS! If all the oppressed workers would just say NO and walk off the assembly lines then things would have to change.
Candidates from the Socialist Workers Party call for a condemnation of this violent act. Hazleton Pravda is in total agreement. Workers unite! Turn away from CAN DO. To hell with the factory! Prove them wrong! Read a book. Look at your rights as an employee, as a citizen and as a human being. Damnation to swing shifts and middle management nonsense. Say NO to narrow minded-ness and corrupt business ways. Think for yourself!
That was are soapbox moment for today—
SS Office Moving to Markle Building
The FABULOUS MARKLE BUILDING…Markle Building…Markle Building… It seems only fitting that they have something in the building to cater to geriatrics They’ll be there for like five years till the tax breaks run out just like everyone else who’s moved in there. The geriatrics will be here till they turn to dust...and then some, till the wind takes them away.
W-B Man: ‘Witches are trying to kill me’
So I’m just guessing the guy’s married and works in a factory in Hazleton…But wait this is Wilkes Barre. Hmm…The guy, Jake Jenkins talks like he’s off his nut, but at the Institute we have made a very serious study of witches in the area, including the practice of Wicca Wax by local suburban witches, also know as soccer moms, along with the Seasonal Flag Conspiracy, but that has more to do with being invitations to aliens to come into your home and eat you as Institute research has provided so far. The Institute feels that witches are a real and dangerous threat to everyday people (and their bank accounts). One of the warning signs is an over abundance of scented candles, especially in reference to the above Wicca Wax cults. Jenkins claims Luzerne County is a haven for witches. Well, that's been true for years! Hazleton Pravda and the Institute will be following this story closely.
Note: This story is a couple weeks old and may be archived on the link and un-accessible.
Flood Flood Flood
So now everyone is going to have their hands out for flood relief money. Nothing will get fixed, but that’s not unusual. The roads will continue to be a hellish mess, which will be made worse by the coming winter and freezing temperatures. So by this time next year we will be driving on roads from Little House on the Prairie all nothing but mud and rocks. I’ll be looking for that old dude with the big black beard, the guy who ended up on Highway to Hell (staple television viewing for Hazleton’s geriatric mobs). It all rings of job security for Penn Dot (whether they want it or not) and the natural order of Hazleton to misappropriate funding. Expect tax hikes for road repair and traffic headaches (I mean more then usual) in the next year. And all you’re gonna hear for the next decade is how bad the flood hit, not how no one around here lifted a finger to repair the damage or the damage brought on by apathy for the last fifty years or so.
GHHA Breaks Ground for Expansion
Since our local medical facilities are dangerously under-funded and terribly mismanaged, it will be good to finally have AT LEAST more room. Much like the expansion (however poorly engineered) of roadways lately, this is something long overdue.
PA Historical & Museum Commission Problems with Eckley
So the local powers that be wanna take historical homes in Eckley and turn them into cheap housing? Figures. Thank Gawd, the PA Commission is stepping in. Can’t use abandoned buildings like D A Harmon to make proper apartments, but the Hazleton area power base can see fit to take some local history and turn it into half-doubles the premier housing choice of the area!
Arsonist in White Haven
Boy, those cats really love their fires! Now they're into torching parked cars…ahh, to be young again and doing the new hip craze and trends! It's all fun and games till someone burns down White Haven...Again!
Socialist Building Attacked on N. Wyoming St.
Well, of course it was. Socialism speaks of equality and fairness in the work place. That means death to the oppressors of CANT DO. Those fat cats can't keep up their slave trade-work force in Hazleton if people start hearing the truth about how oppressed and ground under they are, or worse, if people started to think on their own..."Ya know, things are better ELSEWHERE." Just think what would happen to our way of life if people realized that by law you are supposed to have work BREAKS and LUNCH and that people aren’t suppose to work 36 hours in just one DAY! No someone throws a brick through the front window and starts a fire in fear of Socialism. Once again Hazleton Pravda proclaims Hazleton the LAND OF IDIOTS! If all the oppressed workers would just say NO and walk off the assembly lines then things would have to change.
Candidates from the Socialist Workers Party call for a condemnation of this violent act. Hazleton Pravda is in total agreement. Workers unite! Turn away from CAN DO. To hell with the factory! Prove them wrong! Read a book. Look at your rights as an employee, as a citizen and as a human being. Damnation to swing shifts and middle management nonsense. Say NO to narrow minded-ness and corrupt business ways. Think for yourself!
That was are soapbox moment for today—
SS Office Moving to Markle Building
The FABULOUS MARKLE BUILDING…Markle Building…Markle Building… It seems only fitting that they have something in the building to cater to geriatrics They’ll be there for like five years till the tax breaks run out just like everyone else who’s moved in there. The geriatrics will be here till they turn to dust...and then some, till the wind takes them away.
W-B Man: ‘Witches are trying to kill me’
So I’m just guessing the guy’s married and works in a factory in Hazleton…But wait this is Wilkes Barre. Hmm…The guy, Jake Jenkins talks like he’s off his nut, but at the Institute we have made a very serious study of witches in the area, including the practice of Wicca Wax by local suburban witches, also know as soccer moms, along with the Seasonal Flag Conspiracy, but that has more to do with being invitations to aliens to come into your home and eat you as Institute research has provided so far. The Institute feels that witches are a real and dangerous threat to everyday people (and their bank accounts). One of the warning signs is an over abundance of scented candles, especially in reference to the above Wicca Wax cults. Jenkins claims Luzerne County is a haven for witches. Well, that's been true for years! Hazleton Pravda and the Institute will be following this story closely.
Note: This story is a couple weeks old and may be archived on the link and un-accessible.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
A Hazleton Dick
By Gombeggar
You ride along over the potholes
Don’t give a damn ‘bout your suspension or your wheels
You’re to busy looking for the next free ride
Watch housing developments spring up on the fields
The word entropy is all around you
But you don’t take the time to witness
Oldies are on the radio
Overdeveloped nostalgia makes you feel like you’re missing
No time for anyone else
You’ve got other things to do
Tell the rest to go to hell
You’ve got your own things to do
If it means giving up the time you set aside for golf
Then that’s too bad for some
Just in time to make it to the Laurel Mall
Don’t worry about your neighbor
Keep thinking ‘bout yourself
There’s no time to do any favors
Unless you get something in return; you need something in return; you really need to learn
That you are a Hazleton Dick
Trust is something that you barter
It can be something that you buy
But things like truth and generosity
Are priced far, far too high
--And they are overrated anyway—
Henna?
When the long shifts are over
And every knife is neatly
Placed small-ly in the back
Then it’s time for a cheap case of beer
Maybe give the wife a crack
You’ve been on the phone all day long
Greasing wheels and selling crap
Looking out for your own hide, your backside
While you wait to make a stab
So by the time that you’re home again
In your house with perfect flowers
And the square pitza made to be cold, then
You rush in after many hours
To tell your story to your mate
Expecting fan fairs and golden showers
Expecting to be told that you’re great
Since you made a nickel on a dime
By squeezing someone else’s arm
Taking blood and Federal Cheese
Doing exactly as you please
Everything’s a commodity
Get your dollars ready here
Make sure that you get in line
But don’t you blush, don’t be afraid to use another person’s fear
To get up the very next rung
The ladder goes up to the sky
Don’t you worry; Don’t be shy
Just remember to be that great
Be rude, be yourself
Remember, don’t be late
Because there’s always the next one down
Watch your back, and grab all that you can take
This is Hazleton
Spell it wrong; doesn’t matter
It’s too late
Just make sure that before it’s all done
That you have a piece of the cake
Watch the buildings fall
And the crumble and desolate
See the people leave
They’re tired now they’ve given all and then some
That you can rake
Fill your pockets
Call yourself a proud Italian
And an American by the side
You don’t see the Hunks and Slavs doing that
Maybe the silly Pols
But we’re all not JUST Americans in Hazleton
Henna?
Walk to work?
You wouldn’t think of it
Call a cab?
Well, you couldn’t
Explain that away
Take your show car
One of the toys you collect
Then tell your employees in a rant
How can’t afford to pay them because you’re spent
On a Jaguar that was second hand
--At best!
Oh, it is tough to be
A Hazleton Dick
Watch the Deigo flags wave
And plan your next money trick
Time has stopped for you and me
In Hazleton, but for all the blood money you can’t see
You play your social games
Expecting that big pat
Upon your back like a good slap
Cuz remember you’re still a dog
For the bigger, badder scheme trap
So, you drive along the potholed roads
And you never do take the time
To see the world around you
Because there’s lunch with the boss
And the sewer costs
Let’s just put in some lime
The concrete will last long enough
Because it is made of good material
The contractors decreed
They think its good stuff, you’re a bastard of the ethereal
Won’t wear out in a month, a year
We can look on it forever
And we will
--Henna?
Take a moment; Take a lifetime
The potholes are unchanged
Trees, they come and go
Greenbacks are all you see
Let’s elect someone else
So long as he knows the fee
There’s a price
Walk the walk; Turn the trick
Speak easy because the world of Hazleton
Has done this
For countless decades with no change in sight
A penny to hide your thoughts away
A dollar would be finer
If you can make it home just a little sooner
Do a little less
Ignore the poor,.the homeless, the distressed
CAN DO will make your bed
Cover it all up with a smile and a wrench
Did you get a kick-back?
Then you must have something to learn
Or maybe there’s a favor you could do
Or an old friend who’s just waiting
Waiting to get burned
Think a while, while the pasta cools
It’s on the house
If you mention a name and use
Your glowing, ever growing clout
Turn a deal
We’re all paper here
Scrap us up off your shoe
Hazleton’s finest in a bag a to go
It’s not so much the words, but the passing of greenback papers
That makes a show
No time for the fella
Just trying to get by
Unless he’s got something
That can turn you a dollar. And why?
Because you are –A Hazleton Dick
Not a thought for someone else
Or the trees or bushes
No care for the kind of water
That you let your kids drink
It’s all good so long as they think
That you are the best you can be
A Hazleton savior, red, green and let’s see…
White makes three
Not quite the stars and stripes
But who cares when you’re a Hazleton superstar
Then you can buy the right
Shall I take that call?
Who is this person? How can he help me?
Well, if he can’t
Then he’s filed thirteen
Circular resume with an eye for the shredder
Go down to the unemployment
There’s plenty of factory jobs
We love it here
There’s no place better
And every place is just like this
Keep filling pockets and thinking that
Or
Just don’t think at all
Punch in, pay out and have a fabulous life
With potholes
With paydirt and rubble
We can truck it in
And out of town, but that will cost you
Because you need to be reminded that you are a Hazleton Dick
Man or woman
You are a Hazleton Dick
By Gombeggar
You ride along over the potholes
Don’t give a damn ‘bout your suspension or your wheels
You’re to busy looking for the next free ride
Watch housing developments spring up on the fields
The word entropy is all around you
But you don’t take the time to witness
Oldies are on the radio
Overdeveloped nostalgia makes you feel like you’re missing
No time for anyone else
You’ve got other things to do
Tell the rest to go to hell
You’ve got your own things to do
If it means giving up the time you set aside for golf
Then that’s too bad for some
Just in time to make it to the Laurel Mall
Don’t worry about your neighbor
Keep thinking ‘bout yourself
There’s no time to do any favors
Unless you get something in return; you need something in return; you really need to learn
That you are a Hazleton Dick
Trust is something that you barter
It can be something that you buy
But things like truth and generosity
Are priced far, far too high
--And they are overrated anyway—
Henna?
When the long shifts are over
And every knife is neatly
Placed small-ly in the back
Then it’s time for a cheap case of beer
Maybe give the wife a crack
You’ve been on the phone all day long
Greasing wheels and selling crap
Looking out for your own hide, your backside
While you wait to make a stab
So by the time that you’re home again
In your house with perfect flowers
And the square pitza made to be cold, then
You rush in after many hours
To tell your story to your mate
Expecting fan fairs and golden showers
Expecting to be told that you’re great
Since you made a nickel on a dime
By squeezing someone else’s arm
Taking blood and Federal Cheese
Doing exactly as you please
Everything’s a commodity
Get your dollars ready here
Make sure that you get in line
But don’t you blush, don’t be afraid to use another person’s fear
To get up the very next rung
The ladder goes up to the sky
Don’t you worry; Don’t be shy
Just remember to be that great
Be rude, be yourself
Remember, don’t be late
Because there’s always the next one down
Watch your back, and grab all that you can take
This is Hazleton
Spell it wrong; doesn’t matter
It’s too late
Just make sure that before it’s all done
That you have a piece of the cake
Watch the buildings fall
And the crumble and desolate
See the people leave
They’re tired now they’ve given all and then some
That you can rake
Fill your pockets
Call yourself a proud Italian
And an American by the side
You don’t see the Hunks and Slavs doing that
Maybe the silly Pols
But we’re all not JUST Americans in Hazleton
Henna?
Walk to work?
You wouldn’t think of it
Call a cab?
Well, you couldn’t
Explain that away
Take your show car
One of the toys you collect
Then tell your employees in a rant
How can’t afford to pay them because you’re spent
On a Jaguar that was second hand
--At best!
Oh, it is tough to be
A Hazleton Dick
Watch the Deigo flags wave
And plan your next money trick
Time has stopped for you and me
In Hazleton, but for all the blood money you can’t see
You play your social games
Expecting that big pat
Upon your back like a good slap
Cuz remember you’re still a dog
For the bigger, badder scheme trap
So, you drive along the potholed roads
And you never do take the time
To see the world around you
Because there’s lunch with the boss
And the sewer costs
Let’s just put in some lime
The concrete will last long enough
Because it is made of good material
The contractors decreed
They think its good stuff, you’re a bastard of the ethereal
Won’t wear out in a month, a year
We can look on it forever
And we will
--Henna?
Take a moment; Take a lifetime
The potholes are unchanged
Trees, they come and go
Greenbacks are all you see
Let’s elect someone else
So long as he knows the fee
There’s a price
Walk the walk; Turn the trick
Speak easy because the world of Hazleton
Has done this
For countless decades with no change in sight
A penny to hide your thoughts away
A dollar would be finer
If you can make it home just a little sooner
Do a little less
Ignore the poor,.the homeless, the distressed
CAN DO will make your bed
Cover it all up with a smile and a wrench
Did you get a kick-back?
Then you must have something to learn
Or maybe there’s a favor you could do
Or an old friend who’s just waiting
Waiting to get burned
Think a while, while the pasta cools
It’s on the house
If you mention a name and use
Your glowing, ever growing clout
Turn a deal
We’re all paper here
Scrap us up off your shoe
Hazleton’s finest in a bag a to go
It’s not so much the words, but the passing of greenback papers
That makes a show
No time for the fella
Just trying to get by
Unless he’s got something
That can turn you a dollar. And why?
Because you are –A Hazleton Dick
Not a thought for someone else
Or the trees or bushes
No care for the kind of water
That you let your kids drink
It’s all good so long as they think
That you are the best you can be
A Hazleton savior, red, green and let’s see…
White makes three
Not quite the stars and stripes
But who cares when you’re a Hazleton superstar
Then you can buy the right
Shall I take that call?
Who is this person? How can he help me?
Well, if he can’t
Then he’s filed thirteen
Circular resume with an eye for the shredder
Go down to the unemployment
There’s plenty of factory jobs
We love it here
There’s no place better
And every place is just like this
Keep filling pockets and thinking that
Or
Just don’t think at all
Punch in, pay out and have a fabulous life
With potholes
With paydirt and rubble
We can truck it in
And out of town, but that will cost you
Because you need to be reminded that you are a Hazleton Dick
Man or woman
You are a Hazleton Dick
