Saturday, June 05, 2004
Rakishi Comes to Freeland
Yes, on Friday May 28, Rakishi of the WWE came to stink-face Mean Gene Snisky of the WXW. And he did too! It was a smelly large event. Who smelt like alcohol?
Plant to Bring 100 Jobs
Thanks to CANT DO we are gonna have yet another plastic factory camped out in Valmont. Just what we need! I guess there just wasn’t enough PET plastic in Hazleton soil samples, so the powers-that-be started shopping around to increase the toxic plastics margin! Great job CANT DO! Keep up the slave labor and the environmental pollutants! I’m gonna rush out and get an application Monday morning!
DEP Tests Creeks and Wells
They found our water table to be just as GREAT as the soil samples, but admitted that the water samples were just a little on the low side for detergent content. Next week they will conference with Dial to rectify this inequality. On the up side, sulfur and mine run-off were well within expected high concentrations in PPI! The area people MUST be giving cancer to themselves somehow to try to get some govt. monies or something, yeah that’s it (please note the sarcasm).
Luzerne County Official Suspended Without Pay
Oh no, now he’ll have to pull the money out that was insulating the walls of his home! No wait that’s WVIA who does that after every pledge drive then they put on what they want anyway. Bastards!
Yes, on Friday May 28, Rakishi of the WWE came to stink-face Mean Gene Snisky of the WXW. And he did too! It was a smelly large event. Who smelt like alcohol?
Plant to Bring 100 Jobs
Thanks to CANT DO we are gonna have yet another plastic factory camped out in Valmont. Just what we need! I guess there just wasn’t enough PET plastic in Hazleton soil samples, so the powers-that-be started shopping around to increase the toxic plastics margin! Great job CANT DO! Keep up the slave labor and the environmental pollutants! I’m gonna rush out and get an application Monday morning!
DEP Tests Creeks and Wells
They found our water table to be just as GREAT as the soil samples, but admitted that the water samples were just a little on the low side for detergent content. Next week they will conference with Dial to rectify this inequality. On the up side, sulfur and mine run-off were well within expected high concentrations in PPI! The area people MUST be giving cancer to themselves somehow to try to get some govt. monies or something, yeah that’s it (please note the sarcasm).
Luzerne County Official Suspended Without Pay
Oh no, now he’ll have to pull the money out that was insulating the walls of his home! No wait that’s WVIA who does that after every pledge drive then they put on what they want anyway. Bastards!
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Hazleton Pravda would like to wish everyone a good Memorial Day Weekend. Enjoy the sunshine (for those of you that have forgotten, that big yellow thing in the sky is called the sun!). Take time out to relax in the sunshine and fire up the ol’ grill this weekend, but also take the time to remember those Americans who died in the line of duty and to think about those soldiers far away from home today! Now onto pitiful Hazleton happenings…
Speedtrap Heaven
It’s the holiday folks, so don’t forget that it’s gonna be speed trap-mania. Our police force will be out to serve (give you tickets for everything under the sun) and protect (save you from yourselves by billing you) you. Aren’t they so nice? It’s great to live in the land of the free! Motorists are urged to be safe with inflated tickets and engrossed DUI fees looming overhead. So watch out for those speed traps!
Freeland is hosting its annual Memorial Celebration. It is a two-day event. They’re going to have a little bit of everything going on this weekend. It starts today at noon & continues tomorrow (Memorial Day) at 10AM. *See Above*
HASD Budget Deficit
It seems the Hazleton Area School Board’s deficit is at an all time high. I guess metal detectors and attack dogs do cost a lot more then I suspected. Well, the kiddies just won’t be getting school books this fall. Ah well, that’s not what school in Hazleton is all about anyway. ‘You don’t need no stinkin’ learnin’ ta work in a factory fer CANT DO!’
Hospital Annex Planned
I’m surprised they just don’t set up trailers like they do up Hazleton’s PSU campus
School Bus Catches Fire
Gotta love this. I remember how reckless school bus drivers were back in my school daze. I also recall how beat to hell the buses always were. I can just imagine what shape they are in these daze if one caught fire. Yeee…spontaneous school bus combustion!
Hazleton Dirt, Official Dirt of PA
Ya just can’t make this stuff up! I’m not sure exactly why tax dollars are being wasted to proclaim an official State Soil, but if Hazleton dirt is the State Government’s choice what does that say? Has Hazleton got the best dirt? Or is it that Pennsyltucky wants its signature dirt to have all the best qualities of PA like mine sulfur, slate, coal dust, red shale, detergent and other CANT DO factory pollutants, oh and plastic too? I’m sure there’s plenty of plastic fiber and PVC pellets in Hazleton soil. Oh and the gas and oil that leaked into the ground from the garage down on Church Street where DER had to come in and clean up. Yup, that all makes for great Hazleton Soil! Gee, if it happens that we’ve got the BEST dirt in the state what the hell does that say? Scary, scary! The state rated the soil as excellent! Heh-heh!
A D Thomas Building to Sit
Hazleton Zoning Board nixed plans to refurbish the old elementary school building into an apartment building with a public gym. With all the new construction going on, I suppose that Hazleton officials are worried that we won’t reach our quota for vacant run-down buildings, so they had to put their footsies down! Good job boys! Let’s keep Hazleton at a stand still! I’m all for backwards thinking!
West Mahanoy Twp. Afraid of Sewers
These hicks don’t want to have public sewage. Rightly so. It will probably increase taxes. And worse, no one will be able to dump shit out of their windows anymore or urinate in the street. Without the excuse, this hick town pass time will be lost to them forever! ‘I iz afraid pro----gruss!’
Fund Raiser For Nuremberg Library
It is ridiculous that the Hazleton Area Public Library has to struggle and go to outside help just to maintain a tiny little branch library in Nuremberg. Oh yeah, I forgot area residents don’t need to know how to read either in order to work in a factory. Reading is a privilege of the Powers-That-Be & CANT DO. Keep the masses stunted! All area residents need are most of their fingers, the ability to walk to work (if necessary), and cigarettes. Gotta keep them rolling in cigarettes, ya know. No library, no time to yourself, no money (well not enough to leave anyway). Just work-produce-consume! Arbeit Macht Frei!
City Beds Down With NuNet Nazis
That’s right folks. Someone’s wheels were greased just right. And the NuNet Nazis snaked there way into Hazleton even though city officials were aware of a tax lien against this grossly mismanaged and interfering company. Just say ‘NO!’ to NuNet Nazis
Mayor Lou Speaks of Veterans
Big Deal. It’s Mayor Lou. They should have just let the WWII Veterans speak!
Speedtrap Heaven
It’s the holiday folks, so don’t forget that it’s gonna be speed trap-mania. Our police force will be out to serve (give you tickets for everything under the sun) and protect (save you from yourselves by billing you) you. Aren’t they so nice? It’s great to live in the land of the free! Motorists are urged to be safe with inflated tickets and engrossed DUI fees looming overhead. So watch out for those speed traps!
Freeland is hosting its annual Memorial Celebration. It is a two-day event. They’re going to have a little bit of everything going on this weekend. It starts today at noon & continues tomorrow (Memorial Day) at 10AM. *See Above*
HASD Budget Deficit
It seems the Hazleton Area School Board’s deficit is at an all time high. I guess metal detectors and attack dogs do cost a lot more then I suspected. Well, the kiddies just won’t be getting school books this fall. Ah well, that’s not what school in Hazleton is all about anyway. ‘You don’t need no stinkin’ learnin’ ta work in a factory fer CANT DO!’
Hospital Annex Planned
I’m surprised they just don’t set up trailers like they do up Hazleton’s PSU campus
School Bus Catches Fire
Gotta love this. I remember how reckless school bus drivers were back in my school daze. I also recall how beat to hell the buses always were. I can just imagine what shape they are in these daze if one caught fire. Yeee…spontaneous school bus combustion!
Hazleton Dirt, Official Dirt of PA
Ya just can’t make this stuff up! I’m not sure exactly why tax dollars are being wasted to proclaim an official State Soil, but if Hazleton dirt is the State Government’s choice what does that say? Has Hazleton got the best dirt? Or is it that Pennsyltucky wants its signature dirt to have all the best qualities of PA like mine sulfur, slate, coal dust, red shale, detergent and other CANT DO factory pollutants, oh and plastic too? I’m sure there’s plenty of plastic fiber and PVC pellets in Hazleton soil. Oh and the gas and oil that leaked into the ground from the garage down on Church Street where DER had to come in and clean up. Yup, that all makes for great Hazleton Soil! Gee, if it happens that we’ve got the BEST dirt in the state what the hell does that say? Scary, scary! The state rated the soil as excellent! Heh-heh!
A D Thomas Building to Sit
Hazleton Zoning Board nixed plans to refurbish the old elementary school building into an apartment building with a public gym. With all the new construction going on, I suppose that Hazleton officials are worried that we won’t reach our quota for vacant run-down buildings, so they had to put their footsies down! Good job boys! Let’s keep Hazleton at a stand still! I’m all for backwards thinking!
West Mahanoy Twp. Afraid of Sewers
These hicks don’t want to have public sewage. Rightly so. It will probably increase taxes. And worse, no one will be able to dump shit out of their windows anymore or urinate in the street. Without the excuse, this hick town pass time will be lost to them forever! ‘I iz afraid pro----gruss!’
Fund Raiser For Nuremberg Library
It is ridiculous that the Hazleton Area Public Library has to struggle and go to outside help just to maintain a tiny little branch library in Nuremberg. Oh yeah, I forgot area residents don’t need to know how to read either in order to work in a factory. Reading is a privilege of the Powers-That-Be & CANT DO. Keep the masses stunted! All area residents need are most of their fingers, the ability to walk to work (if necessary), and cigarettes. Gotta keep them rolling in cigarettes, ya know. No library, no time to yourself, no money (well not enough to leave anyway). Just work-produce-consume! Arbeit Macht Frei!
City Beds Down With NuNet Nazis
That’s right folks. Someone’s wheels were greased just right. And the NuNet Nazis snaked there way into Hazleton even though city officials were aware of a tax lien against this grossly mismanaged and interfering company. Just say ‘NO!’ to NuNet Nazis
Mayor Lou Speaks of Veterans
Big Deal. It’s Mayor Lou. They should have just let the WWII Veterans speak!
