Thursday, December 23, 2004
I Escaped From Hazleton & Lived to Tell the Tale
Hazleton Pravda again opens its door to all peoples to send in your success stories of escaping the downward spiral of Hazleton gloom and disrepair. Can a person from Hazleton go into the REAL world and shake off the taint of living life as a Hazletonian? If you leave Hazleton do you leave the dysfunction behind? Please feel free (it’s just a feeling so don’t get too attached to it!) and send us your tales of breaking free from the slate bank yoke. Tell us your stories, so that others might be able to follow and live a full life, free of misery, drudgery and such. And conversely, send us stories if you feel that your life was so crippled by Hazleton that no matter where you went, you were still an outcast and a freak.
Hazleton Pravda reserves the right to publish in entirety anything sent to our offices.
From the Desk of Editor Gom “Mr. Editor” Beggar:
“Paranoia is the policy here at Hazleton Pravda.” “Have a merry Christmas this year—Leave!”
Local Man Dies in Iraq
It is always a shame to lose one of our countrymen in times of war. It is especially worsened by this being the holiday season. Hazleton Pravda sends condolences to the family and friends of Sgt. Paul Karpowich of Freeland. Hazleton Pravda would also wish to extend holiday greetings to all of the United States military both abroad and at home with hopes that they can soon return to their loved ones and that there can be an end to war and conflict. Legion Post 473 is holding a fun-raiser for Sgt. Karpowich. Donations can be made throughout Freeland.
Happy X-mas, war is over if you want it—John Lennon, 1972.
Freeland Woman Arrested in Alleged Stabbing
Huh? What? Happy xmas I’m gonna stab ya in the heart? What is wrong with people? Did this woman not have her medication? Or is she getting too much?
Maple Street Fire Victim Identified
Well, they identified the poor bastard that got caught up in this suspicious fire. Still no word on what caused it, or that it was Deigo-Lightning. Which it probably was.
80-Vehicle Pileup Closes Interstate 80
Well as usual it snowed this week and everyone in Pennsyltucky lost their minds. You’d think after several hundred years of snow falling on Americans in the NEPA region that we’d be used to it by no—But NO! (Nod to John Belushi here)
Actually Hazleton Pravda has been trying to get correspondent writer Doyna Yar to make mention of driving in Hazleton during winter times and especially during the frantic idiocy of the holiday rush, but as he commented and rightly so, “It’s too depressing!” Learn how to drive people or get off the fuckin’ roads!
Hershey’s Highering
For the new year Hershey’s got a bunch of new jobs lined up. So you all get out there and jump through their hoops cuz they’ll be taking like 50,000 applications for like a rumored 25 positions that are ONLY temporary. But don’t loose heart little wanna-slaves. Hazleton’s Careerlink assures us that if ya really show enthusiasm and ya break back twelve times more then those around you with senority and full time work that you MIGHT get hired. Now MIGHT is a big important word in the world of Hazleton. It MIGHT be tomorrow. It MIGHT be next week. It PROBABLY won’t be for five years or more, but what more can you ask of CANT DO and the powers that be? Steady reasonable work and hours? Hahahaha! Foolish wanna-slaves. Take the SHIT that they serve you and DON’T ask for seconds unless they’re already shoveling it on your plate! Remember, the Hazleton job scene sucks year ‘round! Thanks CANT DO!
Last Note From Hazleton Pravda:
MTs or Medical Transcriptionists are NOT next to Doctors by any means, not even in the alphabet. So have a happy corn-filled holiday from the staff of Hazleton Pravda! Bye-Bye & Buy Bonds! And remember to sign our guestbook, vote on the poll to your right and feel free to donate as well. It’s Christmas after all ya cheap Hazleton bastards!
Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Work in a Factory)
Parody by Gombeggar of ‘Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)' by The Ramones (Joey Ramone)
Merry Christmas, I don't wanna work in a factory to-night...
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory in Haz-leton
Where is OSHA and its rules?
Tell me why is there always overtime?
Where’s the breaks? Where is lunchtime, baby?
Merry Christmas, merry merry merry Christmas
All of Hazleton is stuck on the line
Assembling junk in the muck and the grime
Snow is falling, still gotta do my shift baby
Merry Christmas, merry merry merry Christmas
I need my job cuz I need money
That’s not the way that it ought to be
I worked hard from the start
But Christmas ain't the time for CAN DO to grow a heart
Merry Christmas, merry merry merry Christmas
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory in Haz-leton
*Butch* “Toho-ho-ho, merry overtime! It’s Christmas in Hazleton, so let’s all go to work! Arbeit macht frei everyone!”
Hazleton Pravda again opens its door to all peoples to send in your success stories of escaping the downward spiral of Hazleton gloom and disrepair. Can a person from Hazleton go into the REAL world and shake off the taint of living life as a Hazletonian? If you leave Hazleton do you leave the dysfunction behind? Please feel free (it’s just a feeling so don’t get too attached to it!) and send us your tales of breaking free from the slate bank yoke. Tell us your stories, so that others might be able to follow and live a full life, free of misery, drudgery and such. And conversely, send us stories if you feel that your life was so crippled by Hazleton that no matter where you went, you were still an outcast and a freak.
Hazleton Pravda reserves the right to publish in entirety anything sent to our offices.
From the Desk of Editor Gom “Mr. Editor” Beggar:
“Paranoia is the policy here at Hazleton Pravda.” “Have a merry Christmas this year—Leave!”
Local Man Dies in Iraq
It is always a shame to lose one of our countrymen in times of war. It is especially worsened by this being the holiday season. Hazleton Pravda sends condolences to the family and friends of Sgt. Paul Karpowich of Freeland. Hazleton Pravda would also wish to extend holiday greetings to all of the United States military both abroad and at home with hopes that they can soon return to their loved ones and that there can be an end to war and conflict. Legion Post 473 is holding a fun-raiser for Sgt. Karpowich. Donations can be made throughout Freeland.
Happy X-mas, war is over if you want it—John Lennon, 1972.
Freeland Woman Arrested in Alleged Stabbing
Huh? What? Happy xmas I’m gonna stab ya in the heart? What is wrong with people? Did this woman not have her medication? Or is she getting too much?
Maple Street Fire Victim Identified
Well, they identified the poor bastard that got caught up in this suspicious fire. Still no word on what caused it, or that it was Deigo-Lightning. Which it probably was.
80-Vehicle Pileup Closes Interstate 80
Well as usual it snowed this week and everyone in Pennsyltucky lost their minds. You’d think after several hundred years of snow falling on Americans in the NEPA region that we’d be used to it by no—But NO! (Nod to John Belushi here)
Actually Hazleton Pravda has been trying to get correspondent writer Doyna Yar to make mention of driving in Hazleton during winter times and especially during the frantic idiocy of the holiday rush, but as he commented and rightly so, “It’s too depressing!” Learn how to drive people or get off the fuckin’ roads!
Hershey’s Highering
For the new year Hershey’s got a bunch of new jobs lined up. So you all get out there and jump through their hoops cuz they’ll be taking like 50,000 applications for like a rumored 25 positions that are ONLY temporary. But don’t loose heart little wanna-slaves. Hazleton’s Careerlink assures us that if ya really show enthusiasm and ya break back twelve times more then those around you with senority and full time work that you MIGHT get hired. Now MIGHT is a big important word in the world of Hazleton. It MIGHT be tomorrow. It MIGHT be next week. It PROBABLY won’t be for five years or more, but what more can you ask of CANT DO and the powers that be? Steady reasonable work and hours? Hahahaha! Foolish wanna-slaves. Take the SHIT that they serve you and DON’T ask for seconds unless they’re already shoveling it on your plate! Remember, the Hazleton job scene sucks year ‘round! Thanks CANT DO!
Last Note From Hazleton Pravda:
MTs or Medical Transcriptionists are NOT next to Doctors by any means, not even in the alphabet. So have a happy corn-filled holiday from the staff of Hazleton Pravda! Bye-Bye & Buy Bonds! And remember to sign our guestbook, vote on the poll to your right and feel free to donate as well. It’s Christmas after all ya cheap Hazleton bastards!
Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Work in a Factory)
Parody by Gombeggar of ‘Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)' by The Ramones (Joey Ramone)
Merry Christmas, I don't wanna work in a factory to-night...
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory in Haz-leton
Where is OSHA and its rules?
Tell me why is there always overtime?
Where’s the breaks? Where is lunchtime, baby?
Merry Christmas, merry merry merry Christmas
All of Hazleton is stuck on the line
Assembling junk in the muck and the grime
Snow is falling, still gotta do my shift baby
Merry Christmas, merry merry merry Christmas
I need my job cuz I need money
That’s not the way that it ought to be
I worked hard from the start
But Christmas ain't the time for CAN DO to grow a heart
Merry Christmas, merry merry merry Christmas
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory
Merry Christmas, I don't want to work in a factory in Haz-leton
*Butch* “Toho-ho-ho, merry overtime! It’s Christmas in Hazleton, so let’s all go to work! Arbeit macht frei everyone!”
