Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Cleanup Update: Well, the stuff’s out on the streets. There are corner piles of discarded Hazleton Gold (junk), but the strangest thing is that there’s NOT too much of it! That’s right! I can’t understand it. Usually, there is so much junk laid out for the freakish garbage pickers that its flowing onto the streets. Can it be? Can it be true that Hazleton is running out of junk? Can we imagine a Hazleton without garbage in tons upon tons? Dare we to dream that people are being less wasteful complacent about trash they make on a daily basis due to our consumer mentalities? Could some people actually find heaps of trash and useless items littering the streets for months unsightly? I doubt it very much so. Truth is probably more that the number of junk hoarders is beginning to out number the pickers. Everybody wants Hazleton Gold these days. At this rate even Panorama magazines will be worth something more then paper for the bottom of the cat box! Well, the bigger idiot theory is abound in Hazleton.
Fire Company Donation Drives
Instead of bothering people in their off-hours for donations, when there’s not a fire and these firefighters, volunteer or otherwise should be trying to legitimately raise money and funds. Do a bake sale for gawd sake! I love it when they call you and ask do you wanna donate to the West Hazleton Fire Company? When you tell them you live in Hazleton or Lattimer or something they still press you for cash! How about they dismantle their bars and stop spending money on booze and party favors, and go get a new fire hose or whatever it is that they NEED?
Fire Company Donation Drives
Instead of bothering people in their off-hours for donations, when there’s not a fire and these firefighters, volunteer or otherwise should be trying to legitimately raise money and funds. Do a bake sale for gawd sake! I love it when they call you and ask do you wanna donate to the West Hazleton Fire Company? When you tell them you live in Hazleton or Lattimer or something they still press you for cash! How about they dismantle their bars and stop spending money on booze and party favors, and go get a new fire hose or whatever it is that they NEED?
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Hazleton Pravda apologizes to our growing fan base for being away for so long, but we have all been on Institute business working on other special projects. Keep looking here for more unspoken truths! Look for Virtual Freeland & Virtual Hazleton coming soon to our webring. Check it out!
Deigo Day Comes to Hazleton!
That’s right, you heard it right folks. It’s today in Hazleton! I-ties all over the city (using the term city laughingly) are celebrating some kind of holiday geared towards them being Mafia wannabe, World War turncoats and basically ridiculous degenerations of Romans that are know throughout the world today as Italians! We don’t know what they call it, so we took the liberty of naming it for them. We expect there’ll be garlic in the air for weeks! They have their Italian flags and banners all over town right next to their American flags, which is disgraceful. Either you are an American or you are a Hazleton Deigo. Pick!
Quote from the movie Stalingrad: “Good Italian wine; Tastes like piss!”
NOTE: Hazleton Pravda would like to express that as a whole Italians are not being discriminated here, and would like to make the distinction that we are addressing Hazleton I-ties which are pretty much scum. Pravda would also like to note that this is a generalization and that not ALL Hazleton I-ties are unscrupulous, amoral and crooked spaghettios, just the ones with any money really.
Schulkill Plus Still Better Than Panorama Anthracite
Well another month goes by and the people at Schuylkill Plus have again made a more pertinent useful publication then Mr. Meat & Potatoes (a.k.a. Neil Rodino) could ever manage with any of his Panorama magazines. Of course, Schuylkill Plus is lacking the usual stories about people who are on their deathbeds recalling the good old days when people had wooden teeth because they liked the splinters they would get and how great it was to go out to the outhouse in the middle of winter. Oh, those were the days. Sorry Schuylkill Plus only has informative articles that its readers actually can garner some useful information from. Oh, and it has event listings of things people actually want to go to. Imagine that! Well, Mr. Meat & Potatoes better luck next month with Panorama.
Jehovah’s Witnesses
These people are the most uninformed bunch of bible touters. You tell them you don’t practice any religion, and they think you mean you’re an atheist and ask why you don’t believe in Gawd. You ask them what the dinosaurs were up to in the early bible texts, they tell you they were ‘outside’ of the Garden of Eden and that the flood got them anyway. What about the plesiosaurs and all the dinosaurs that livid in the oceans. I can’t see them caring too much about floods. And now the Jehovah’s Witness go around not in pairs but in whole car loads to break down your door spreading ‘their’ good word at you. They’re almost as bad as telemarketers, which may be a sick religion unto itself, the grand Religion of Solicitation. That makes a lot of sense and can include the Jehovah’s Witnesses in an umbrella plan. So anyway, if anyone comes a-knockin’ on a Sunday morn lock you’re doors and close your shades till these charlatan zealots go elsewhere. I ain’t even gonna bother to link to these loons! Besides, they’ll leave you a Watchtower pamphlet in your door anyway.
Unemployment, Or the Lack of Jobs That Don’t Suck in NEPA
We at Pravda have been noticing a lot of small magazines being circulated in the Hazleton Area under the Employment Weekly or EW. That sounds great, a periodical designed to make people aware of the job opportunities in the area. The only problem with this is that there are no jobs. Let us clarify: There are no jobs worth having. You can argue that the world needs its ditch diggers, but how many fucking ditches could we possibly need in NEPA?????? It’s not like the old geriatrics are dying off that quickly. They’re the lingering dead. Even if we make enough ditches to put them all in they’ll only crawl back out and wag their fingers at you menacingly! Come on people, wake up! This area needs capable jobs where you don’t have to break your back trying to earn a few pittance of change! The EW’s selection of job’s and opportunities is just as bad as the Standard Speaker’s crap classifieds. Wanted driver. Wanted slave operator. Wanted another slave operator. Wanted nurses aids (because they’re cheaper then real nurses) to fuss over gigantic liver spotted crones. Or on the other sides of the EW publications are schooling. Come to our overcrowded half-assed colleges because you only need to be able to count to be a ditch digger in NEPA, and really counting isn’t required and may hold you back in job placement. Oh well, just play dumb and CANT DO will find YOU!
La Voz Latina Mensual
The first Latino oriented (and all in Spanish) publication comes to Hazleton. Although the Institute frowns on anything non-English, we at Hazleton Pravda are pleased to see that this growing population to the Hazleton area is receiving a publication geared culturally and linguistically towards them. Plus it scars all the old people and the dumb-as-post Hazletonians who are scared and confused by the growing Hispanic Treat! Ahhhh! And these are the people who through their own complacency not only instigated this cultural influx, but invited it into their tiny backwards minds…er I mean town, backwards town, yeah. No Freudian slip there folks! And the best part of this new publication is that even though my Spanish is kinda rusty I can certainly say it reads better and clearer then anything the Standard Speaker or Panorama does! Muy bien!
Deigo Day Comes to Hazleton!
That’s right, you heard it right folks. It’s today in Hazleton! I-ties all over the city (using the term city laughingly) are celebrating some kind of holiday geared towards them being Mafia wannabe, World War turncoats and basically ridiculous degenerations of Romans that are know throughout the world today as Italians! We don’t know what they call it, so we took the liberty of naming it for them. We expect there’ll be garlic in the air for weeks! They have their Italian flags and banners all over town right next to their American flags, which is disgraceful. Either you are an American or you are a Hazleton Deigo. Pick!
Quote from the movie Stalingrad: “Good Italian wine; Tastes like piss!”
NOTE: Hazleton Pravda would like to express that as a whole Italians are not being discriminated here, and would like to make the distinction that we are addressing Hazleton I-ties which are pretty much scum. Pravda would also like to note that this is a generalization and that not ALL Hazleton I-ties are unscrupulous, amoral and crooked spaghettios, just the ones with any money really.
Schulkill Plus Still Better Than Panorama Anthracite
Well another month goes by and the people at Schuylkill Plus have again made a more pertinent useful publication then Mr. Meat & Potatoes (a.k.a. Neil Rodino) could ever manage with any of his Panorama magazines. Of course, Schuylkill Plus is lacking the usual stories about people who are on their deathbeds recalling the good old days when people had wooden teeth because they liked the splinters they would get and how great it was to go out to the outhouse in the middle of winter. Oh, those were the days. Sorry Schuylkill Plus only has informative articles that its readers actually can garner some useful information from. Oh, and it has event listings of things people actually want to go to. Imagine that! Well, Mr. Meat & Potatoes better luck next month with Panorama.
Jehovah’s Witnesses
These people are the most uninformed bunch of bible touters. You tell them you don’t practice any religion, and they think you mean you’re an atheist and ask why you don’t believe in Gawd. You ask them what the dinosaurs were up to in the early bible texts, they tell you they were ‘outside’ of the Garden of Eden and that the flood got them anyway. What about the plesiosaurs and all the dinosaurs that livid in the oceans. I can’t see them caring too much about floods. And now the Jehovah’s Witness go around not in pairs but in whole car loads to break down your door spreading ‘their’ good word at you. They’re almost as bad as telemarketers, which may be a sick religion unto itself, the grand Religion of Solicitation. That makes a lot of sense and can include the Jehovah’s Witnesses in an umbrella plan. So anyway, if anyone comes a-knockin’ on a Sunday morn lock you’re doors and close your shades till these charlatan zealots go elsewhere. I ain’t even gonna bother to link to these loons! Besides, they’ll leave you a Watchtower pamphlet in your door anyway.
Unemployment, Or the Lack of Jobs That Don’t Suck in NEPA
We at Pravda have been noticing a lot of small magazines being circulated in the Hazleton Area under the Employment Weekly or EW. That sounds great, a periodical designed to make people aware of the job opportunities in the area. The only problem with this is that there are no jobs. Let us clarify: There are no jobs worth having. You can argue that the world needs its ditch diggers, but how many fucking ditches could we possibly need in NEPA?????? It’s not like the old geriatrics are dying off that quickly. They’re the lingering dead. Even if we make enough ditches to put them all in they’ll only crawl back out and wag their fingers at you menacingly! Come on people, wake up! This area needs capable jobs where you don’t have to break your back trying to earn a few pittance of change! The EW’s selection of job’s and opportunities is just as bad as the Standard Speaker’s crap classifieds. Wanted driver. Wanted slave operator. Wanted another slave operator. Wanted nurses aids (because they’re cheaper then real nurses) to fuss over gigantic liver spotted crones. Or on the other sides of the EW publications are schooling. Come to our overcrowded half-assed colleges because you only need to be able to count to be a ditch digger in NEPA, and really counting isn’t required and may hold you back in job placement. Oh well, just play dumb and CANT DO will find YOU!
La Voz Latina Mensual
The first Latino oriented (and all in Spanish) publication comes to Hazleton. Although the Institute frowns on anything non-English, we at Hazleton Pravda are pleased to see that this growing population to the Hazleton area is receiving a publication geared culturally and linguistically towards them. Plus it scars all the old people and the dumb-as-post Hazletonians who are scared and confused by the growing Hispanic Treat! Ahhhh! And these are the people who through their own complacency not only instigated this cultural influx, but invited it into their tiny backwards minds…er I mean town, backwards town, yeah. No Freudian slip there folks! And the best part of this new publication is that even though my Spanish is kinda rusty I can certainly say it reads better and clearer then anything the Standard Speaker or Panorama does! Muy bien!
