Saturday, October 02, 2004
Scam Alert Update:
Yes, folks...Biznet is STILL a big scam. Stay away from that organization. Other scams to keep an eye out for are time-shares at Split Rock Lodge, Prime America in Hazleton and others. We at Hazleton Pravda still don't know what the hell Prime America was trying to sell, but we know it isn't worth it whatever it is. And of course, remember that just about everyone in the Hazleton business community is a scammer to one degree or another. So watch your ass.
Fair Update:
The fair still blows, but luckily today is the last day of the 150th annual Bloomsburg Fair...until next year. Yeesh! Editor Gombeggar will be making a specil rant concerning his own misadventure at the fair soon.
Yes, folks...Biznet is STILL a big scam. Stay away from that organization. Other scams to keep an eye out for are time-shares at Split Rock Lodge, Prime America in Hazleton and others. We at Hazleton Pravda still don't know what the hell Prime America was trying to sell, but we know it isn't worth it whatever it is. And of course, remember that just about everyone in the Hazleton business community is a scammer to one degree or another. So watch your ass.
Fair Update:
The fair still blows, but luckily today is the last day of the 150th annual Bloomsburg Fair...until next year. Yeesh! Editor Gombeggar will be making a specil rant concerning his own misadventure at the fair soon.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Oktoberfest
In all the excitement over cow flops and oyster sandwiches from the Bloomsburg Fair, Hazleton Pravda completely neglected to remind everyone about Oktoberfest. The beer guzzling German holiday is already in full swing! It began on Sept 18. and will continue until Oct. 3. Or until the beer and strudel runs out! There are many civic things slated around this holiday like charity races for runners, and the Christ Luthern Church is holding a benefit carnival, but Oktoberfest is really about the bratwurst, snasages and drunkenness. So grab a mug put on some German Beer Music (You know who YOU are with those records!) get good and crunked cuz that’s what life is all about! Forget your troubles and eat, drink and be merry! Sehr Gut!
Fair Update:
It’s suppose to rain all over the area today, so gets out yer goulashes and remember that shit floats! So watch out for them horsey treasures.
*Booner Fair-Goer* “Hot damn! This here sheep gizzard sandwich tastes just like Momma used to make! Think I’ll wash it down with a this here frothy orange-aid. It’s 99% water, ya know! And it only costs $3!”
Hazleton Dick Saga Update:
Well, one of Hazleton Pravda’s many fans has cared to equate the Hazleton Dick Saga to the Star Wars Saga with reference to the number of parts or episodes the complete poem will be. Let me, Gombeggar say that my symphony ode to the people who contribute to the grayness of Hazleton is nine parts, I mean five parts…er two? I think I’ll discuss the matter with George Lucas. The poem needs more Ewoks!
School Looking for PSSA Answers
HASD wants to find out why there is a drop in scores from grades 8-11, huh? Well, maybe learning isn’t very conducive in a prison-like environment, where the students rights are violated on a daily basis and the teachers are too apathetic to impart any real knowledge or a desire to learn to the student body. Kids won’t care if you the people teaching them don’t care!
Slots Panel Pick Has Links to DeNaples
Looks like the licenses for slot machines aren’t even out yet, but the whole thing is looking funny and corrupt. Big surprise that the connection is to a big business man with a spaghettio name, DeNaples
Raising Stink Over Official
In Black Creek Twp, there is a man who designates your septic system. He’s the sewage enforcement officer. Turns out he’s screwing everyone into getting the types of sewage systems in that allows him to pocket a bunch of money each time he hands out a permit for a new system or to replace an old one…Nice gig. Funny, he doesn’t want to talk about.
Cleanup Update:
Hazleton Pravda is confused. The streets are clean in Hazleton. Well, really they’re not. They’re a mess. There’s potholes and gutters are full of trash and there’s lots of broken glass on sides streets down by Wyoming and Pine Streets. Grass and weeds are cracking the asphalt and the sidewalks, but that’s all natural and normal. Where’s all the piles of junk? Everything’s gone and there wasn’t even much piled on the streets this year! All the poor junk pickers are gonna starve this winter! Reminds me of the Ant and the Grasshopper, oh boo-hoo!
Neil Rodino Writes for Panorama?
Huh? What? The man (using the term 'man' loosely) can’t spell his own name without calling in an assistant to sign the ‘X’ for him. How the hell can he possibly put two words together? Especially, if either of the words have more then one syllable? So the toad speaks or rather rambles! In his latest geriatric homage, he has wonderful words to say about his amazing adventures driving from McAdoo to Hazleton and looking at all the road construction. Sounds like a novel on par with Travels with Charley! For anyone not in understanding, that was sarcasm, heavy heavy sarcasm! For those of you who have to put in your teeth just keep on fighting over Panorama because it may be full of crap, but it’s free! And that’s the magic word in Hazleton!
In all the excitement over cow flops and oyster sandwiches from the Bloomsburg Fair, Hazleton Pravda completely neglected to remind everyone about Oktoberfest. The beer guzzling German holiday is already in full swing! It began on Sept 18. and will continue until Oct. 3. Or until the beer and strudel runs out! There are many civic things slated around this holiday like charity races for runners, and the Christ Luthern Church is holding a benefit carnival, but Oktoberfest is really about the bratwurst, snasages and drunkenness. So grab a mug put on some German Beer Music (You know who YOU are with those records!) get good and crunked cuz that’s what life is all about! Forget your troubles and eat, drink and be merry! Sehr Gut!
Fair Update:
It’s suppose to rain all over the area today, so gets out yer goulashes and remember that shit floats! So watch out for them horsey treasures.
*Booner Fair-Goer* “Hot damn! This here sheep gizzard sandwich tastes just like Momma used to make! Think I’ll wash it down with a this here frothy orange-aid. It’s 99% water, ya know! And it only costs $3!”
Hazleton Dick Saga Update:
Well, one of Hazleton Pravda’s many fans has cared to equate the Hazleton Dick Saga to the Star Wars Saga with reference to the number of parts or episodes the complete poem will be. Let me, Gombeggar say that my symphony ode to the people who contribute to the grayness of Hazleton is nine parts, I mean five parts…er two? I think I’ll discuss the matter with George Lucas. The poem needs more Ewoks!
School Looking for PSSA Answers
HASD wants to find out why there is a drop in scores from grades 8-11, huh? Well, maybe learning isn’t very conducive in a prison-like environment, where the students rights are violated on a daily basis and the teachers are too apathetic to impart any real knowledge or a desire to learn to the student body. Kids won’t care if you the people teaching them don’t care!
Slots Panel Pick Has Links to DeNaples
Looks like the licenses for slot machines aren’t even out yet, but the whole thing is looking funny and corrupt. Big surprise that the connection is to a big business man with a spaghettio name, DeNaples
Raising Stink Over Official
In Black Creek Twp, there is a man who designates your septic system. He’s the sewage enforcement officer. Turns out he’s screwing everyone into getting the types of sewage systems in that allows him to pocket a bunch of money each time he hands out a permit for a new system or to replace an old one…Nice gig. Funny, he doesn’t want to talk about.
Cleanup Update:
Hazleton Pravda is confused. The streets are clean in Hazleton. Well, really they’re not. They’re a mess. There’s potholes and gutters are full of trash and there’s lots of broken glass on sides streets down by Wyoming and Pine Streets. Grass and weeds are cracking the asphalt and the sidewalks, but that’s all natural and normal. Where’s all the piles of junk? Everything’s gone and there wasn’t even much piled on the streets this year! All the poor junk pickers are gonna starve this winter! Reminds me of the Ant and the Grasshopper, oh boo-hoo!
Neil Rodino Writes for Panorama?
Huh? What? The man (using the term 'man' loosely) can’t spell his own name without calling in an assistant to sign the ‘X’ for him. How the hell can he possibly put two words together? Especially, if either of the words have more then one syllable? So the toad speaks or rather rambles! In his latest geriatric homage, he has wonderful words to say about his amazing adventures driving from McAdoo to Hazleton and looking at all the road construction. Sounds like a novel on par with Travels with Charley! For anyone not in understanding, that was sarcasm, heavy heavy sarcasm! For those of you who have to put in your teeth just keep on fighting over Panorama because it may be full of crap, but it’s free! And that’s the magic word in Hazleton!
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Due to the large amount of material the miserible denizens of Hazleton give to such a ranting poem about how miserible and back stabbing Hazletonians try to be, a further installment in the Hazleton Dick Saga was required. Enjoy. And think!
A Hazleton Dick Part II
By Gombeggar
You can’t bring yourself to rise from your bed
You can’t take the time to get yourself out from under the covers
You can’t come to the phone
Unless you know you’re getting a bone
Or some other kind of pat on the back
Because you need to get something before
You even bat an eye
What’s in it for you?
You Hazleton Dick –You make us all want to sigh!
Why don’t you just curl up and die?
You want it all
You want what you deserve
But you’re not ready to lift a finger
Or do an ounce of work
It could be called lazy—But that’s not the case
Call it being self-adsorbed
And high on dope all day
Smoke hazy dreams that skewer your brains
Makes you think that nothing matters
Because you feel no pain
All the walls can fall down
The streets can break up
Slate banks can pile
Let the rest turn to dust
You don’t care
Because you are a Hazleton Dick!
No time, but for the sake of yourself
Maybe your squeeze
But nothing much else
You talk and you talk
Still nothing gets done
On the street or on the couch
Don’t matter—So long as you have your fun
Don’t take time away from life of living haze
Don’t follow through with anything you say
Just relax
And float down stream
Like in the book of the dead from Tibet
As a Hazletonian
You’re practically in a coffin sized dream
All of these people wanting your precious time
To do things, to change things
You say, Don’t bother what’s mine
I like everything just the way I have it
No motion, no movement
Just me, my bed and my habits
Because I know one thing
In the back of my mind
Besides being lazy and crazy all the time
I’m useless and apathetic
That means I don’t really care
I spell my name with an X
It’s less wear and tear
You know why?
Because I’m a Hazleton Dick!
And I love it, I love it
I never will change
I’m slothie and sloopie
I love it all the way
No time for you, not today
I’ve got better things to do
Things for me and not for you
Oh whoa is me
I’ve got the couch potato blues
I’m self-serving, self-adoring
Self-involved with selfish ways
I look out for myself each and everyday
Self’s my favorite word
If it’s got something to do with you
Well, that’s absurd
It’s all about me!
Or haven’t you heard?
I’m A Hazleton Dick!
And I’ll never learn
So you see all you living dead corpses
Of the happy Hazleton be
Mindful, not to be assholes
As so many of you act as with glee
Remember there’s a world
Outside your own thoughts
Your whimsies, your plans and your games
Not everyone cares when a vowel ends your name
Or who’s sons and daughters you may be
And believe it or not
Not everyone cares if you have a lot of money
There’s a world outside these strip-mined hills
Where people are nice to each other
Where a knife in the back
For a dime bag of crack
Is actually frowned down upon
Where the streets don’t have holes
Or Flags for the woppish Diegos
But real food, and parks and human beings in some parts
And the sunshine isn’t filled with coal dust and grime
So go to Hell all you bastards and bitches alike
Who can’t rise just one day and be civil
Crawl into your early graves
With the dimes that you save
For not tipping the waitress a little
Or cling to your life
In this god forsaken blight
Of a town that’s well past it’s prime
Realize when your eighty, alone and in pain
You lead the perfect Hazleton life!
Because you wouldn’t change
Or see the light of day
You couldn’t smile
Or be generous to your fellow man
For just one single day
So now you’re in it deep
Get ready for that big long sleep
There’s no deals left to be made
You had you Funfest parades
Now you’re a geriatric Hazleton Dick!
Freaky Fair Update:
Just a reminder that tomorrow morning their judging dairy cattle and sheep at the Arena and the Sheep Barn respectively. And hey everyone, DON'T FORGET TO GET AN OYSTER SANDWICH WHILE YOU'RE AT THE BLOOMSBURG FAIR
*Horse* "No sir, I don't like it!"
A Hazleton Dick Part II
By Gombeggar
You can’t bring yourself to rise from your bed
You can’t take the time to get yourself out from under the covers
You can’t come to the phone
Unless you know you’re getting a bone
Or some other kind of pat on the back
Because you need to get something before
You even bat an eye
What’s in it for you?
You Hazleton Dick –You make us all want to sigh!
Why don’t you just curl up and die?
You want it all
You want what you deserve
But you’re not ready to lift a finger
Or do an ounce of work
It could be called lazy—But that’s not the case
Call it being self-adsorbed
And high on dope all day
Smoke hazy dreams that skewer your brains
Makes you think that nothing matters
Because you feel no pain
All the walls can fall down
The streets can break up
Slate banks can pile
Let the rest turn to dust
You don’t care
Because you are a Hazleton Dick!
No time, but for the sake of yourself
Maybe your squeeze
But nothing much else
You talk and you talk
Still nothing gets done
On the street or on the couch
Don’t matter—So long as you have your fun
Don’t take time away from life of living haze
Don’t follow through with anything you say
Just relax
And float down stream
Like in the book of the dead from Tibet
As a Hazletonian
You’re practically in a coffin sized dream
All of these people wanting your precious time
To do things, to change things
You say, Don’t bother what’s mine
I like everything just the way I have it
No motion, no movement
Just me, my bed and my habits
Because I know one thing
In the back of my mind
Besides being lazy and crazy all the time
I’m useless and apathetic
That means I don’t really care
I spell my name with an X
It’s less wear and tear
You know why?
Because I’m a Hazleton Dick!
And I love it, I love it
I never will change
I’m slothie and sloopie
I love it all the way
No time for you, not today
I’ve got better things to do
Things for me and not for you
Oh whoa is me
I’ve got the couch potato blues
I’m self-serving, self-adoring
Self-involved with selfish ways
I look out for myself each and everyday
Self’s my favorite word
If it’s got something to do with you
Well, that’s absurd
It’s all about me!
Or haven’t you heard?
I’m A Hazleton Dick!
And I’ll never learn
So you see all you living dead corpses
Of the happy Hazleton be
Mindful, not to be assholes
As so many of you act as with glee
Remember there’s a world
Outside your own thoughts
Your whimsies, your plans and your games
Not everyone cares when a vowel ends your name
Or who’s sons and daughters you may be
And believe it or not
Not everyone cares if you have a lot of money
There’s a world outside these strip-mined hills
Where people are nice to each other
Where a knife in the back
For a dime bag of crack
Is actually frowned down upon
Where the streets don’t have holes
Or Flags for the woppish Diegos
But real food, and parks and human beings in some parts
And the sunshine isn’t filled with coal dust and grime
So go to Hell all you bastards and bitches alike
Who can’t rise just one day and be civil
Crawl into your early graves
With the dimes that you save
For not tipping the waitress a little
Or cling to your life
In this god forsaken blight
Of a town that’s well past it’s prime
Realize when your eighty, alone and in pain
You lead the perfect Hazleton life!
Because you wouldn’t change
Or see the light of day
You couldn’t smile
Or be generous to your fellow man
For just one single day
So now you’re in it deep
Get ready for that big long sleep
There’s no deals left to be made
You had you Funfest parades
Now you’re a geriatric Hazleton Dick!
Freaky Fair Update:
Just a reminder that tomorrow morning their judging dairy cattle and sheep at the Arena and the Sheep Barn respectively. And hey everyone, DON'T FORGET TO GET AN OYSTER SANDWICH WHILE YOU'RE AT THE BLOOMSBURG FAIR
*Horse* "No sir, I don't like it!"
Monday, September 27, 2004
Here is a contribution from a Hazleton Pravda fan turned contributor:
Still Creek Sewer
Well, after years of running a wildcat sewer system, Kline Township, Banks Township and McAdoo finally have a sewage treatment plant to call their own.
Guess this spells an end to the famous "Shit Crick," that dumped itself into the "strippins."
The KBM (how appropriate) Authority held its official dedication of the new treatment plant on Saturday. It was a well-attended event, as refreshments were served.
But, who didn't show up? Come on, you have three guesses.
Right on the first one! The Sub-Slandered-Squeaker (Standard Speaker) didn't even send a photographer to the event. Nobody was surprised.
After five years of hit-and-miss reporting the progress of ending the good ol' days of dumping raw sewage into mine pits, the S-S failed to cover the 'big event.' How typical.
The Objective Observer
Thanks ObOb
Fair Hits Day Two
Everyone's worried the hurricane weather is gonna rain the Fair out. Surprise? Hello! The Fair gets rained out every year! The Carnies keep coming back.
Still Creek Sewer
Well, after years of running a wildcat sewer system, Kline Township, Banks Township and McAdoo finally have a sewage treatment plant to call their own.
Guess this spells an end to the famous "Shit Crick," that dumped itself into the "strippins."
The KBM (how appropriate) Authority held its official dedication of the new treatment plant on Saturday. It was a well-attended event, as refreshments were served.
But, who didn't show up? Come on, you have three guesses.
Right on the first one! The Sub-Slandered-Squeaker (Standard Speaker) didn't even send a photographer to the event. Nobody was surprised.
After five years of hit-and-miss reporting the progress of ending the good ol' days of dumping raw sewage into mine pits, the S-S failed to cover the 'big event.' How typical.
The Objective Observer
Thanks ObOb
Fair Hits Day Two
Everyone's worried the hurricane weather is gonna rain the Fair out. Surprise? Hello! The Fair gets rained out every year! The Carnies keep coming back.
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Fair Times Brings the Freaks to the Mud
Yes, folks, it’s the end of September and that means the Bloomsburg Fair (a.k.a. Big Funfest) is going to make everyone nuttier then usual for a week. It’s started to, it’s the end of September and that means the Bloomsburg Fair (a.k.a. Big Funfest) is going to make everyone nuttier then usual for a week. It’s started today and I’m sure hundreds of thousands of people will be flocking there from all around the area. The fair’s been going on for like one billion years (they claim only 150 years but I don’t believe them) and it really hasn’t changed in all the years that Bloomsburg has hosted the thing.
The same stands are there every year in the same place selling the same stuff, but evidently the masses enjoy it enough to make Bloomsburg onions of dollars every single year whether you have to track through two foot of water or stable full of cow flops and horse droppings. I’ll just never understand people.
But on the bright side there is a poultry show at the fair grounds the weekend after. Don’t tell Jimmy Christman! Burp! Otherwise everyone enjoy your homespun, hick-town, Carnie freak show. It won’t come around for another year! How many funnel cakes can you eat? Personally, I hate all that fucking supposed ethnic food. And another thing the fair is sorely lacking is the midgets! What kind of Carnie sets up a Ferris wheel, gets the cotton candy spinning, but forgets the little folk in weird little costumes? And I have yet to see a fire-eater there. The bearded ladies are abundant, but those are the women just visiting the Fair!
Burning Man needs to be held at the Bloomsburg Fair. We can create a gigantic effigy of a farmer-hick-booner right in the middle of the fairgrounds and just hope that when we light ‘em up that the whole damn place goes up with it. Fire cleanses all and in the aftermath we could build a huge park akin to Central Park in New York and let Hoe-Down City become an awful memory. Have fun at the Fair everybody!
Money to Repair Roads Uncertain
See! What did we tell you? Gotta file those request ASAP to get yer flood money! And everyone’s gonna drag their bureaucratic feet and then cry that it’s taking forever to get the money they’re gonna waste on their own paychecks anyway!
Floodwater Sickening (Literally)
That’s funny. I though NEPA of Pennsyltucky had the best soil and the best water, especially the water. Look not only is it chlorinated and fluorinated, but it’s been detergentated, and sulphurated and just full to the brim by being feces-inated! What more can you ask? The only guess I can make as to why the floodwater is sickening is because it must not have ENOUGH pollutants in it. 8000 organisms per 3 ounces of water in the Wilkes-Barre area, ha! That’s nothing! Come visit the Black Creek. The organisms there are a foot and a half long coming from the shit crick and the inbreeds down that way adopt them as pets!
Now to be serious: The water table in the entire NEPA region is destroyed by everything from mine run-off and sewage to industrial waste and lack of environmental concerns. There may be nothing much anyone can do, but try to think twice about where your water comes form and where it goes. Think Brita filters and PUR water filtration systems in your own homes for a start, because all the chlorine and the fluorine in the world won’t clean some of the water that comes out of the sink in certain areas. And think about speaking to local government officials about making a change, about stopping industrial waste contamination, and fixing the ecological nightmares of mine run-off water. The government spends oodles of noodles of onions of dollars on far more wasteful projects. There’s gotta be some environmental grants out there waiting to be used. Wake up people. Water is life. Let it go to hell and we’re stuck. I’m sure a home distillation unit would be a real pain in the balls!
Yes, folks, it’s the end of September and that means the Bloomsburg Fair (a.k.a. Big Funfest) is going to make everyone nuttier then usual for a week. It’s started to, it’s the end of September and that means the Bloomsburg Fair (a.k.a. Big Funfest) is going to make everyone nuttier then usual for a week. It’s started today and I’m sure hundreds of thousands of people will be flocking there from all around the area. The fair’s been going on for like one billion years (they claim only 150 years but I don’t believe them) and it really hasn’t changed in all the years that Bloomsburg has hosted the thing.
The same stands are there every year in the same place selling the same stuff, but evidently the masses enjoy it enough to make Bloomsburg onions of dollars every single year whether you have to track through two foot of water or stable full of cow flops and horse droppings. I’ll just never understand people.
But on the bright side there is a poultry show at the fair grounds the weekend after. Don’t tell Jimmy Christman! Burp! Otherwise everyone enjoy your homespun, hick-town, Carnie freak show. It won’t come around for another year! How many funnel cakes can you eat? Personally, I hate all that fucking supposed ethnic food. And another thing the fair is sorely lacking is the midgets! What kind of Carnie sets up a Ferris wheel, gets the cotton candy spinning, but forgets the little folk in weird little costumes? And I have yet to see a fire-eater there. The bearded ladies are abundant, but those are the women just visiting the Fair!
Burning Man needs to be held at the Bloomsburg Fair. We can create a gigantic effigy of a farmer-hick-booner right in the middle of the fairgrounds and just hope that when we light ‘em up that the whole damn place goes up with it. Fire cleanses all and in the aftermath we could build a huge park akin to Central Park in New York and let Hoe-Down City become an awful memory. Have fun at the Fair everybody!
Money to Repair Roads Uncertain
See! What did we tell you? Gotta file those request ASAP to get yer flood money! And everyone’s gonna drag their bureaucratic feet and then cry that it’s taking forever to get the money they’re gonna waste on their own paychecks anyway!
Floodwater Sickening (Literally)
That’s funny. I though NEPA of Pennsyltucky had the best soil and the best water, especially the water. Look not only is it chlorinated and fluorinated, but it’s been detergentated, and sulphurated and just full to the brim by being feces-inated! What more can you ask? The only guess I can make as to why the floodwater is sickening is because it must not have ENOUGH pollutants in it. 8000 organisms per 3 ounces of water in the Wilkes-Barre area, ha! That’s nothing! Come visit the Black Creek. The organisms there are a foot and a half long coming from the shit crick and the inbreeds down that way adopt them as pets!
Now to be serious: The water table in the entire NEPA region is destroyed by everything from mine run-off and sewage to industrial waste and lack of environmental concerns. There may be nothing much anyone can do, but try to think twice about where your water comes form and where it goes. Think Brita filters and PUR water filtration systems in your own homes for a start, because all the chlorine and the fluorine in the world won’t clean some of the water that comes out of the sink in certain areas. And think about speaking to local government officials about making a change, about stopping industrial waste contamination, and fixing the ecological nightmares of mine run-off water. The government spends oodles of noodles of onions of dollars on far more wasteful projects. There’s gotta be some environmental grants out there waiting to be used. Wake up people. Water is life. Let it go to hell and we’re stuck. I’m sure a home distillation unit would be a real pain in the balls!
